deepest fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Quote by: ~ Marianna Williamson

my deepest fear is getting into a car accident, , i cringe when i think about it and sometimes have a hard time talking about it, such a stupid thing to be afraid of, im even more afraid of it then spiders and i hate spiders, but i have never been in a car accident, and all you hear is terrible things about car accidents and i cant ever imagine being trapped in a car while..kay never mind i have to stop talking about it now...my other fear is failure..i am so afraid to fail that i don't even try, which is bad because i cant keep avoiding things in my life because i am afraid to fail, what if i don't then great, but what if i do, i know the answer to that is try again, but im scared to take the leap of faith sometimes.

mollie

Standing Still.

Right now I am loungin in time. Nothings really happening. What does happen just is. It wont affect nothing. No change for the better or worse is going to happen. Well, thats how i feel about things right now anyway. There are thing that I dont understand and I have questioned but I still dont know what to do. I have prayed about it and sought prayer. I've spoken to people and listened and learnt yet still i cant do it.. still God has not answered me. So..i come to the conclusion as this. Right now I need just to be patient and continue on with the decisions that I have already made, and the ones of which I cant.. in due time God with decide my path..or i should say he will reveal it to me, and for the time i wait..I will just be. I will just Stand Still.

mollie

opinions anyone..

Hey peoples..hows it..I'm alright..don't got much to say..well nothing to say actually..just want to share something i just read...


Faith and Freedom

Grace...incites us into life--a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.
Romans 5:21, The Message

We are not free from failure. We find that the good intentions of our parents have not always worked out for the good...We find that our teachers were not always honest and that our minds therefor have distorted and inadequate ideas...We find that we want to be good, to be whole, and that we are not...We realize we are not free for what we want most of all--to be complete.
We are free to do many things. We are free from many restrictions. But what about the center? What about God? There we live in faith and failure, by faith and forgiveness, by faith and mercy, by faith and freedom.


So that's what i read today..well actually it was suppose to be for tomorrow but the title caught my eye so i read it..I'm not quite sure what it means but i have a bit of an idea..let me know what you think..I'd appreciate it.

Always, mollie-ann

a great start to a good day..

Yesterday was Sunday February the 18th 2007. Yesterday was also the day we set up for the aids benefit for orphans in Zambia. Along with that was vision night where we worship and take communion. Well how about i just tell you about my day from start to finish, well here we go...

Me, Jonny and Ashley slept over at Deanne's. So i got up at 9:15 am, we had to leave there by 10:00 am that was the goal so we would have enough time to go and get Heather, get something for Jonny to eat, and stop at my house so i can let the dog out and change, then be at the church bye 11:05am. So we left the house by 10:15 which wasn't so bad because Jonny is good on time when he needs to get somewhere. I think we got to the church at like 11:04 or something so it worked out. The service was good, i love my Pastor. God does good things with that man. The worship was great, so was the service..great start to a good day. After the service we had lunch together as a family, there were about 50 of us. After we ate is when the set up began, we had people finishing the ten, people setting up stuff on the wall, people directing, people supervising, people helping other, people watching the kids, some people just ate, people making vines, people making leaves, people helping, it was all really amazing. One big family, everyone was getting along and everyone was just together.

Me and Heather were running around the place at one point trying to hide from each other, but i kept finding her..it was quite fun..hey nuk..I WIN!!

After the set up was all done and everything was clean and put back into its place we had vision night. It all just went together so good..So we did some worship PA spoke a little, then we watched a movie on Mother Teresa..WOW i do not even know how to respond to the thing that this one woman did. Its just amazing, I definitely recommend that people watch this movie. If we had more people on earth like her, man this world would be such a better place. A woman after Jesus' own heart. I even cried. So many thing she could have used as an excuse to just give up and stop trying but she never did she had Faith in God. Did what she knew was right, what she knew God was telling her to do. She listened to God and obeyed. She was a good and faithful servant.

What did i get out of it. I want to be like her. I am in some ways but not even close. I have confidence to do the things i never thought i could do. I know that if one lady, one girl who listened could do so much than what can i do. What can i do for the world i live in. How can i please God and make him proud of me? How can i make a difference. How can it be done?
I know i can do anything with the power of God and if God not interested in it it wont happen, but if he is it will. That's one thing i learnt form the movie last night.

From this day forward i am going to do my best to do everything i n my power to do right, and when i cant do it i will do everything in his power because i know with God all things are possible. I have people who love me and are willing to help me, people who want to see me succeed and do well in life i need to just listen and DO IT.

Saturday i mucked up again and didn't make some people proud, well to those who know what i am talking about i am so done, finished, i know i have said it before, and you don't have to believe me but seriously i am so finished its not even funny. i know i can do it now, i know what i am going to say if the opportunity arises, i know what i have to do and i know that i have to do it if i want to be anything like Mother Teresa was. I am not saying that i am going to be just like her but i just want to fulfill God will for me. I am going to start listening to him rather than trying to figure it out in my head on my own because it doesn't really get more no where, sometimes yea i get places but i just slide back into my little rut. I don't want to stand in the muck and more i want to be back on solid ground, and what better day to start than yesterday, right. Great start!

I have a feeling things are not going to get easy for me any time soon because Satan is trying so hard to win me and i know he is not going to give up anytime soon. I am ready for it though, i know it is not going to be easy, but do i really want it to be. What the point if its too easy, wheres the challenge, without the challenge there is no lesson and i want the lesson because i want to learn and grow and love and just be. But for His will not mine. I want to hear the words, well done my good and faithful servant when i stand at the gates of Heaven.

Well i need to go for a shower and get ready for my first challenge..going back to work..ill let you know how it went, until then

God bless

always your friend, mollie-ann

I could kick myself..rolled up newspaper will do just fine

Holy man did i muck up big this time..seriously..I'm not going to talk about it and explain what happened because well really the people who need to know already know. I disappointed some people and hurt some people..i angered and upset some too.

I let things just build, and build and i didn't do nothing about it. I got scared and i froze. People tole me what i needed to do but i kept letting my pride come first. It only made things worse. The last few day i have not been able to sleep right or think right. Everything bothered me, and i noticed it had a toll on a good friend of mine and that bothered me more than all of it. I honestly didn't know what i was going to do..i needed to find a new job and i was worrying about rent and what people were thinking of me..i kept feeling like God wouldn't talk to me, but what more could he say to me really, nothing i already new, and nothing he could tell me unless i found out for myself..nothing felt right..things were uneasy and out of place and it just was not right..i needed to fix it but i got scared and didn't listen to the people i should have been listening to..in the end they were 100% right..so finally this morning i listened and put my pride aside and did what i had to do..and what happened..nothing..i still have my job so i can pay rent, immediately it felt like there was this huge burden just lightly lifted off my shoulders, i could have cried, i was so happy things were going to be okay..i mean i had faith in God that things would be okay i just didn't know how..man let me tell you this is one mistake i am never going to make again..I'm still going to get a spankin for this one next time they see me..<hmm not if i hide> no way ill take my dues this time..

so now that this is out and those of you who don't know what happened are clueless now here what i learned..........


I learned that i need to take action on the things i have done, don't let them just sit there and build until the point where you are stressed to the max, can't sleep, cant not think. Do something about it asap because if you do things will not be so bad. Don't let pride get in the way..ever! Don't think that people wont understand because you will be surprised. When people tell you to do something listen to them. Not all people but the ones you know you should be listening to..the ones who love you and care about you enough that when something happens to you it effects them too. DON'T EVER LIE.. It gets you absolutely no where, you feel guilty and sad and mad at yourself because you know it hurt the other person. Have faith in God in everything you do, just because you can't hear Him does not meant He is not there, he is just waiting for you to correct your mistake so you can go on again, and so He can continue to do the things He has set out for you. Never try to be the hero, its good to help but make sure you are not helping them too much to the point that you don't even notice you are the one who is in need. Pray more, read your bible more and do it with friends too. If you don't understand something learn it, work through it. If you are scared, don't be.. just have faith and DO what you are suppose to do. If there are problems don't run from them, face them. When all else fails,try again and try harder!

These past few days i have not even been able to blog my thought were so all over the place. I tried but nothing worth publishing you know what i mean. Well i don't know what else to write right now, all i know is that i am so grateful and thankful that i have people in my life who love me and don't give up on me. I have friends who care about me and give a crap weather or not I'm down and out. I need to learn how to push my pride aside when it is getting in the way. And even when I think I'm right i need to listen to my mentors because they are telling me things for a reason, and its to help me not take me out. Lady..thanks i love you and am so grateful that you and you family is in my life..I'm so blessed.

just trying to be a good and faithful servant

always, mollie-ann

hey guys..dont worry im going to post a blog soon..its just not the right time yet..


NEW BLOG COMING SOON!!!

-Mo

set me free by casting crowns

It hasn't always been this way

I remember brighter days

Before the dark ones came

Stole my mind

Wrapped my soul in chains



Now I live among the dead

Fighting voices in my head

Hoping someone hears me crying in the night

And carries me away



Set me free of the chains holding me

Is anybody out there hearing me?

Set me free



Morning breaks another day

Finds me crying in the rain

All alone with my demons I am

Who is this man that comes my way?

The dark ones shriek

They scream His name

Is this the One they say will set the captives free?

Jesus, rescue me



As the God man passes by

He looks straight through my eyes

And darkness cannot hide



Do you want to be free?

Lift your chains

I hold the key

All power on Heav'n and Earth belong to me



You are free

You are free

You are free



hey guys..this is set me free by casting crowns..
currently one of my favorite songs
i am definatly a music loverso i usually
tend to find things in common with my life
through the lyrics of a song..this one is
currently me..if you would like to check
the song out without downloading it you
can just click on the   "myspace" link on
the right of the screen and it will take
you to my personal myspace..the song will just play

well goodbye for now, always mollie-ann

place title here..what if you dont have one? just do it

Current mood: discouraged


So this morning i finally got my butt out of bed for prayer..5:30am comes early when you don't go to bed till almost 2am..i decided the night before that i was going to walk. i could have gotten a ride to prayer from either Shawna or Dennis but i thought, no i wont bother them. I actually enjoyed walking to prayer..the sky was clear and i could see the stars..yes it was cold but when you dress for the weather its not so bad. I had a good time in prayer this morning. i have noticed that when i try and pray at home i have too many things that are distracting me from focusing on prayer. when i go to prayers in the mornings i can actually focus because well that the whole point of going. I pray allot for my friends who are going through some tough times. I pray for my youth and the leaders. My family, our church. I find myself praying for things that seem so impossible at the time, but i still have faith. I praise and worship my creator and savior, it's just a really great way to start off the day.

These past few weeks Satan has really been attacking me in any way he can. Through friend, through challenges, through acquaintances, even family. Its like..ever step i take closer to God is another shot he takes at me. Some wonder whats the point if all i get is trouble from it. The point is..on Judgment day everyone will have to be accountable for the actions they took and the choices they..the point is when the time has come i will walk through the gate into the Holy city that is waiting for us.

Lately i feel like i am so distant from everyone. Like i can see things they can't. I feel convicted because of it too at time because i don't want to be different from the ones i love but that's just the way it has to be. No one really understand what i go though in my head. Maybe one or two but that's it other than God himself. I do a pretty good job and not letting people know things are bothering me. I do however let the right people know just in case it becomes serious and i need someones help. Some days i feel like no one even knows who i am anymore, maybe that because no one really does. Yea i talk a lot about God but i don't talk about him even more just for the fact that i don't want to "preach" but what do you do when that's whats in your heart?

Things are going to change again in the next few weeks, I'm scared. I feel like i am going to lose some really important friendships. I am kinda feeling like I'm a replacement right now. Just kinda hanging out until something/someone better comes around. All my life i just wanted to fit in. Always went through phases of this and that. Becoming a Christian gave be belonging, I fit in where i am. i was thinking. I work at home depot..man that so my part time thing..Christianity is my life. Serving God is my life. This is what i am here for weather people like to admit it or not. Weather i like to admit it or not. (which i do admit)

I wonder how things are going to be when Kali comes home..i miss her a lot, and i can't wait to hear about her experiences half way around the world. That girl inspires me so much, even though she doesn't realize it, she does.

Well i didn't end up telling you about my completely crummy day at work, maybe its a good thing. its not good to dwell in thing which you can not change, or have no power in controlling. Even though i was doing a good thing. I mean i was just putting the customer first..that is our policy..okay, okay enough its just going to get me all twitchy and pissed off all over again.

it's 11:30 now i have to be up in 6 hours..i should try and get some sleep

God bless all who read these words. I pray that you glorify God in body, and in Spirit which belong to Him.

Always, mollie-ann

i jacked this survey from Sarah..hehehe thanks sarah

Name:	mollie-ann
Birthday:	june25...*same as sarah:D*
Birthplace:	winnipeg
Current Location:	winnipeg
Eye Color:	brown
Hair Color:	brown
Height:	5'4
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	Icelantic, Ukranian, Cree
The Shoes You Wore Today:	white n olive adidas
Your Weakness:	pride
Your Fears:	spiders
Your Perfect Pizza:	pepperoni and bacon
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	quit smoking pot
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	lol..LOL its so true
Thoughts First Waking Up:	man i gotta pee
Your Best Physical Feature:	not sure..
Your Bedtime:	one i realise im falling asleep at my computer
Your Most Missed Memory:	My babi *grandma in ukranian*
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	gotta be the king..but i eat at mcdicks more
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	coffee
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Swear:	not as much as i use to
Do you Sing:	yes..doesn't necessarily mean im good at it
Do you Shower Daily:	yes
Have you Been in Love:	no
Do you want to go to College:	yes
Do you want to get Married:	yes
Do you belive in yourself:	yes but not all the time
Do you get Motion Sickness:	no
Do you think you are Attractive:	no
Are you a Health Freak:	no
Do you get along with your Parents:	now that i dont live at home yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:	the thunder scares me
Do you play an Instrument:	no, but i used to play tormbone
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	yes
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no but i am way over due to
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	haha..nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	yes
Ever been called a Tease:	no
Ever been Beaten up:	by my brother
Ever Shoplifted:	yes
How do you want to Die:	same way my babi did in her sleep with her loved ones all around
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	so not sure yet..man i better get on it
What country would you most like to Visit:	Ukraine
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	hazel
Favourite Hair Color:	brown
Short or Long Hair:	longer..not LONG..but longer
Height:	taller than me
Weight:	doesnt really matter
Best Clothing Style:	a Roots man..lol
Number of Drugs I have taken:	me personally..i thought his was about them..well either way the number is 7
Number of CDs I own:	dont know
Number of Piercings:	well i use to have 10 but now i have 1
Number of Tattoos:	none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	none becasue i would be where i am today

stand alone..but dont be afraid to stand up

First of all Camp Arnes was so amazing..great things happened..like for example..i led a girl in prayer to accept Jesus into he heart. It was so awesome, this girl..lets just say she kinda reminds me of me in some ways..like how she grew up and her current situation.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


You know I really don't think people get me. I mean they know the old me and everything but its just they think i am still the same person i have always been. Man they are so wrong. I am almost a completely different person. Maybe not in looks. But i am kinder, more loving, more mature, more aware than ever before. What makes the major difference is the way i think. I dont think like most 19 year old girls who 1 year dry day is coming around. I am a 19 year old too soon to be 20 Christian girl who loves God more than anything. I have such a passion to be like Jesus. That all i want is to be like him. Now days Religion is not okay to be..outspoken or verbalized without violating some guys feelings because he he has issues he cant deal with so he takes it out on God hmm does that even make sense..lol its all really funny to me you know. Someone said that a certain place was corrupt. Man i think the world needs to look the fuck around once in a while and actually take in whats going on. I am not saying that people have to go out of their way to try and do something because that would be crossing the line apparently. But if anything we need to be aware. things are NOT perfect. People are not perfect. I am not perfect. You want perfect, talk to Jesus about it because He is the only man to ever walk the earth not a sinner. And yet people still turn away from it and act like its not a big deal. Just wait when judgment day comes and you cant come into the Holy city prepared for us by the King himself don't say no one warned you. Because if you wanted you could do something about it. I just cant understand why some people don't get it.
I mean i get it and i see things happening and i am just like everyone else. Difference is i try and i care. I want to be like Christ so i am doing my best to.

Sometimes people make fun of me. Sometimes people argue with me and make me feel really insecure about myself. Some people mock me and annoy me. Sometimes people make me laugh and satisfy me with a good conversation. Sometimes people make me cry or yell and even punch things. Sometimes people hurt me or try to be better than me. Sometimes people ignore me, and are rude to me. Sometimes people boss me around. Sometimes people expect to much of me. Sometimes people are not grateful for what i do for them. Some people are inspired by me. Some people love, some like, some even hate me. Most people don't understand me or my intentions. Sometimes i do some of the same things. But i am always kind a polite when it is needed. I try to help people around me and not expect anything in return. I love my friends and my family, i love my youth. I love myself . But most of all i love my savior Jesus Christ and my Father God. I live my life the best way i know how to. I get direction from God and from my mentors. n to advice people give me and sometimes try to apply it. I am always there for my friends no matter what. I will go out of my way anytime just because that the way i am. Some people take advantage of it. Some people don't. I am just getting sick and tired of trying to understand why people cant see the thing that happen because God wanted them to. He knows what he is doing and He knows his will. He knows whats going to happen from it too. See when you go through a tough time in your life it to teach you a lesson. Most people think they just have bad luck and they are being shit on by the world. When really there is a lesson in the making you are just to stubborn and self centered to think that maybe someone is not try to get you but trying to help you. You meaning people in generally, someone being Gods army. I seriously don't know if what i am say here makes sense but it does in my head so I'm writing it. All i know is that i am here to serve my Lord. So thats what I am doing.

I don't want anyone to take anything here taken personal because it was not meant to be. I just needed to vent, not to anybody because they probably wouldn't understand, but maybe this way you can get the full view.


just trying to be a good and faithful servent

mollie-ann

oh blessed is my life

You know I am so blesses with the life that I have. The people in it. The things i get to do. I am so grateful.

I know that my life is not the "life" most people would choose, but its mine and I like it. Hard days, sad days, mad days, weird and happy day. I am grateful for them. With out the trials in my life how would i know when to enjoy the good things? You wouldn't because the "good" days would just be another regular day.

When you do have a good day you notice it and you are grateful for it. They are days when nothing really seems to go wrong. Nothing can really bring you down. When you think about it and can bask in the greatness if not just for a second, it so amazing. Next time you have a good day. Cherish it.

When you have a bad day there is usually a reason behind it. Something or someone set you off. When it happens you eventually work through it or get passed it somehow, whether its a friend or drugs or crying. You get passed it. Bad days suck but they make you appreciate the good ones more.

When you have a sad day and your crying all day. Yea it sucks because your down. But it just means that something or someone really matters to you. Crying is okay..i even wish i cried more because after you cry its like a cleansing feeling. You got it out. You are relaxed and calm. Its really intriguing when i thin about it.

I have had many different types of days believe me. And so has everyone else in the world weather or not the choose to accept them when they come.

This change all the time..i say that all the time.. we just need to work with ourselves to work with the different moods and situations..how do we do this you ask? with God above, Jesus in our hearts and the Power of the Holy Spirit. for with them all things are possible.

God bless and have day..

always, mollie-ann

It's time.

Today turned out to be a really good day! God is so amazing. The things He is doing with myself and the people around me is awesome!

Bible Study tonight was really good. We had a big discussion about random questions people had. It worked out really well. We got quite in depth which was needed for our group. I love watching things happen under the hand of God.

I enjoy my life. I try and embrace it as much as possible and take in as much as i can get out of it. I have a great life waiting for me.

Dennis said something tonight at bible study that got me thinking.......but of course as i try and type it i forgot what i was going to say..i got side tracked with a song..sorry

Tonight I decided I am done with pot for good. If I have Faith in God which I say and know I do then I can do it..I know I can with Him. I am going to from this point on I am finished with smoking pot..There are better ways to deal with things than to go and smoke my face off.

Well that about all for right now. Thought I would give you all a break and try and keep it shorter this time.

Well good night and God bless

Always, mollie-ann

when bordom strikes

so obviously yesterday was not a good day. what could have gone wrong last night pretty much went wrong last night..but other than the fact it really bothered me inside i didn't show it which is a good thing because i tend to make it known when I'm grouchy. i still kinda feel the same way today because i dont have to be at youth for like another 6 and a half hours which totally sucks the big one! I'm not sure what i am going to do today yet. when i think about it there not much to do..i could clean my room but..meh totally not down for that..

i don't work today do that wont kill no time..i have slept all that i possible can for today..every ones pretty much at school or at work which sucks because i cant even go chill with some friends..hmm..what to do today..what to do..

i still havent smoked any pot since Tuesday which is the longest i have gone in a long time..i went 23 days before..like 4 years ago or something like that..it was a bet but i on the 23rd day i blew it and had a hoot..just think about it makes me wonder how my life would have turned out if i had quit smoking pot that day..actually its really got me thinking..would i be a Christian today if i hadn't smoked weed? I'm not even going to go there right now on here..

i am dying with bordom..that would suck to die like that..just be so friggin bored that eventually you just die..that's messed..

i really miss my friend Kyle..he has been gone for just over a week now but it seems longer than that for me..Prolly seems less for him..he really is a great guy..i love that he believes in God and that even know he is struggling right now with somethings he is not giving up..such an inspiration to me..he is one person i definitely know i will know for life..stay cool Mr.Jeffery!

well i don't really have anything else to say being as theres nothing going on to talk about so i will end it here..have a good day!

always, mollie-ann

stupid juice jug

i had a crummy sleep..crummy dreams all night..i woke up and felt crummy..i looked outside and its crummy out there..when i looked in the mirror i have crummy bags under my eyes..so of course its turning into a very crummy day..

Usually i have something i want to talk about but not today because i cant even get my thoughts organized today. I am getting bored with my life right now. Something needs to happen..something needs to change..see for me if things are not changing i get bored. Today is day two of being couped up ALONE in my room on this God forsaken computer, in this God forsaken house..i am very bitter today and I'm not sure why. Maybe its because I'm alone, or because some of my "so called friends" aren't being friends at all. Well they are i just expect too much from them.

The thing that flipped the switch today was the frikkin juice jug. Every time she finishes the juice she leaves the empty jug in the damn fridge. Okay i can understand if someone drinks all the juice and doesn't make More..that's fine.. BUT TAKE THE DAMN JUG OUT OF THE FRIDGE so the next person knows to make more..it was find the first 10 times but common the counter is like 3 feet away from the fridge..its not that hard..MAN

I am struggling with the hardest thing i have ever attempted to do..quitting smoking pot..seriously its frikkin ridiculous..i quit doing coke and i thought that was hard..then i quit smoking and i thought that was hard but compared to this those things were nothing and i mean it..all i ever think about is pot..when i don't have it i get bitchy..i didn't smoke pot yesterday and i have not yet today and i don't think i will because i have to leave for work in 45 minuets then after work I'm coming straight home..the real test is going to be after that because i don't work for 5 frikkin days..what am i going to do with myself..i have no clue but what i do know is that i am not anticipating it but whatever happens will happen..oh and did i mention that with the not smoking pot i have 0 appatite..none at all..i made KD so i could eat before work becasue i have not eaten anything yet today, i had one bite and was discusted by food..


my room is mess I'm broke and right now i just don't give a shiet about much..i don't even wanna write no more right now.


~ mollie-ann


and to top it all of u just missed my FUCKING bus for work..now my grandpa has to come a drive me..i know i shouldnt say it but what else can go wrong today

a feeling for a day

Why are feelings so strong? If you think about it everything is based on our emotions.

Today i am having a sad/lonely day. I have been having a lot of these lately. I realised that i am addicted to socialization. I hate being alone. I never know what to do with myself. I do think it is good to be alone sometimes but i never am and when i have to be i hate it!

I think I am so sad because some people who mean a lot to me are not as in touch as i wish we were.

Kyle moved back home to Nova Scotia. I miss him tons! I really wish he would have stayed. I cant wait until he comes back in April for a visit!

One friend whom i was inseparable with, i don't really get to see much anymore which makes me sad too. We use to spend like everyday together, even if we never really did anything. I loved it. And i miss her so much! People don't even know the times i has this summer. They wouldn't even understand. its a you would have had to be there type of thing. Best summer of my life.

Kali is away in Australia. Man God is doing great things with her life. Teaching her things giving her experiences she could only have out there. Giving her new views of life. I anticipate her return home a lot!

Terrin is finished interning at the church. She went back to graduate from CPC
(Central Pentecostal College). It is so awesome shes finishing college. We sure do miss having her at nexus. I miss having her around as well. Gaming it and man i miss our talks. Man one thing i miss is debating with her. She was always right..no matter what. Yup i sure do miss the times we shared.

I tried to leave my self you know. I was going to move to Alberta with my auntie. I was really excited about it too. It would ave been such an amazing experience. I mean i spent every summer up there until i was 15, but living there would have been amazing. I would have lived in a small town so i wouldn't get myself into any trouble. I probably would have spent a lot of time on the Argo (its like a quad but it has 6 wheels) My auntie is the coolest too, both of them actually. All my life i always wondered when it would be that i was going to move up there. I gave up my chance. After i verbalized to people that i was going to leave it got harder and harder to do it. People really didn't want me to go. Some even cried, which really made me sad. In the end i made the decision i always do and do what people want me to do.

Do i regret not moving there? No not really. Does it hurt not to move there? Yea it does actually. But i am needed where i am. Everyone tells me that. Everyone tells me they love me and that they are here for me. People tell me I'm a leader and i know in my heart i am. I guess I'm just a fighter. I never give up. Some days i say i will and feel like i will but i never do. I always just usually do what I'm told.

Today I'm lonely, yes that is true but another day will come and so will more feelings..who knows how i will be feeling tomorrow..only God

Sometimes I'm still not sure if i passed the test or not though..i guess ill never know.

always Mollie-Ann

content..finally

I really love Gods will with my life and the things He is doing with me. I mean like, not only the things i am doing for others but the things i am beginning to learn about myself. I am learning how to apply the gifts that God has given me in everyday life, as well as my spiritual life. Things have been happening around me that just excites me.

Latley I have been fixated on change. the good, the bad, the unrealized and the planned.
People are so scared of change that really it makes me laugh..things change everyday..every second..nothing is ever the same. I think people fear it becasue they dont know whats to come..but really when you think about it, when change does happen you just kind of deal with it..well becasue you have to.

I am really thankful of my life and how blessed i am with friends and family and people who love me for who i am not what people want me to be. People like me for me. And i accept that.

So in the next 6 months i am going to set some goals for myself(no particular order except for1)

1. quit smoking marijuana completly
2. become more dedicated to my relationship with God
3. form a solid foundation with my small group and work from there
4. find a new job
5. do some outreach work (any takers)
6. start going to prayer again

Pray for me please.

take care and never stop living for Christ..if you dont live for Christ, lets talk.

always mollie-ann

even when

when the days seem to long to bare,
and the night are too short to dream,

when the stars in the sky shine at their brightest,
when the moon dances carelessly in the dark sky,

when the birds are happily singing,
and dawn rises once more,

when children cuddle,
and fathers rejoice,

when all else seems impossible,
and accomplishments soar ever more,

when in the depths of hell the evil one is plotting again,
and Jesus Christ keeps you safe from harm,

know that even when it seems that all else has failed and there is no point in going on you are never alone,
nor am i, for i know that we are in each others hearts especially when so far apart.

change will never cease..thank God!

my life is changing..yet again..i am beginning to really open up and learn who i really am..i am beginning to understand myself and i think that this is so important in my relationship with God..this week has been a pretty good week..a healthy one..on terrins last night with us here in winnipeg before she went back to Verden i said to Shawna.."shawna i look out there and i am nothing like anyone out there..i dont belong with them"..this past Sunday was vision night..after it was done i went on stage and i said to her.."you know shawna i am exactly like everyone one of them out there"..she said that she could have told me that but only i could figure that out for myself..and you know what that is so true..no one can for knowledge on anyone..they have to experience it for themselves.....when i first became a Christian i was so excited about God that i just wanted everyone to know..i went about it the wrong way too.. like completly..for example..one of my friends who mean very much to me is not a follower of God..but i wanted him to..it was like i tried pushing God on him and that was not fair to God or to my friend..by doing this i lost a friend..i now know that i am never going to be able to force anyone to be a Christian nor do i want to..i just want to lead by example..people know me and how i use to be..they are not stupid..when i said that i was just like everone else at my church i ment it like this: these people..all they are trying to do is live their lives the best they know how to under our Father..i saw past the labels and realised that they are all just real people..just like me..trying to be good and faithful servents..some more so than others..but nevertheless i am just like them..i am really beginning to see the changes in myself..the way i think..the way i act..i have lernt that my biggest down fall is my pride..i need to work on that..and many other things but as a Christian i know that with Jesus by my side everything is going to be okay..i learn new things everyday..and everyday i look forward to the next..

i want to keep writing more but someonthing telling me to stop here..maybe its God maybe its becasue its late and i have to work tomorrow..but i think i will listen to it..good night!

always mo

lost my grip

i feel like i am falling..my relationship with Christ is thinning out..weakening..Hes not but i am..i don't know why..its like i am just waiting for something to happen..things have changed so much in the past month its kinda scary!..things are also moving so fast that i feel like i cant even catch my breath..figuratively speaking of course..i am finding the the people who are surrounding me are the ones i have been trying to get my self away from..i don't mean people but i mean the type of people..i find myself hanging out at parties and devoting my life towards the wrong things..the wrong people..i am beginning to doubt my ability to walk through the gates of heaven if i die today..i am failing Him right before His eyes..and it is so shameful..someone said to me that if i am acting the way i am then they don't see me as a Christian..you know what the fucked up thing is..I'm starting to not see me as a Christian either..i feel like i am falling just dropping off into nothing..like falling through the sky but when i envision it everything is dark..empty..cold..and no matter how hard i try there is nothing to grab hold of..nothing or no one to grab when before i hit the bottom of the pit..kinda like i lost my grip on life


..mo

New Years resolution..

A couple of years back i made a new years resolution to never make a new years resolution again..it was going quite well too..

this year i decided to break that resolution and make one..

i have decided that this year my resolution should be one thing and one thing only..

so my new years resolution is that i am going to do my best..for Jesus..to quit smoking pot..there a re a lot of people who don't want me to smoke it, and taking into consideration what happened last night this is the best thing for me to do..

this is going to be very difficult for me i think..i have smoked it for 8 years..now i i quit smoking and have not had a single drag of a cigarette for three months 1 week and 2 days which is pretty darn good if you ask me..

last night i got thinking and i realised that people know me as a pot head..they know me as the chick who can puff forever..if i smoke pot i am not going to hold it against myself but i am going to take this giant step in some broken down smaller steps..like cuttin down to a gram a day..that's good considering i smoke up to 7 a day which is not so good for me or my relationship with God..

i am going through so much changes in life..i am living on my own..i work..going back to school..Church..my life is so different from back then..everything takes time..

so there it is..the puffin champ of peg city..on the road to retirement..

well peace out homies


P.s TERRIN..HOMIE..hope your life is all good