just dont ask..

Current mood: you know i could tell you even if i wanted to..



so heres the thing..some day i dont know what i want anymore..i mean i know that i want to be a Christian and that i want to glorify him..bu then again some days i just wonder..what if..now i know that i should not be going by the "what if" scenario but seriously what if what i am doing is not right what if my life is just one big sham..here's my situation..

what if there is someone higher than God? What is God has a God..What if there are multiple Gods but we don't know that because we are only to know what we are suppose to know..take aliens for example..what if they have a different God and they were able to create their"world" to their likings..the other night i was thinking about this..what if there ARE a number of Gods but each one runs things differently..i know that there is a heaven and a hell and i know what will happen if i don't obey my God but then again what if i was created just for the sake of making one Gods world greater than the other..how many are there..what if my God has to check in with his God like i have to with mine..what if there really is no God and just by chance we are here..last night while lying in bed i was thinking about thins and i prayed that God would help me answer this because i didn't want to be thinking about it anymore..but i just kept thinking and kept wondering.....what if?


the other night i decided to quit smoking pot..i even signed a contract with a good friend of mine..but i went and messed it up..you see smoking pot is a very difficult situation to explain..i like doing it..other than it being a sin and having my church family tell me i should be doing it i don't really find anything wrong with it..the bible said that we should be sober in thought..but i am not obeying because i get high..i live a double life..in one life i am a Christian..in the other a gangsta..do you have any idea how frikkin hard it is to be living a double life? man it sucks..it is so hard to keep up..you see the problem is i have doubts about my faith..i don't talk about it because they are stupid and i shouldn't even be thinking again it..but then that question comes up again...what if..or even what if not..

what would you do? because honestly right now i dont have a clue.....until next time

mo