place title here..what if you dont have one? just do it

Current mood: discouraged


So this morning i finally got my butt out of bed for prayer..5:30am comes early when you don't go to bed till almost 2am..i decided the night before that i was going to walk. i could have gotten a ride to prayer from either Shawna or Dennis but i thought, no i wont bother them. I actually enjoyed walking to prayer..the sky was clear and i could see the stars..yes it was cold but when you dress for the weather its not so bad. I had a good time in prayer this morning. i have noticed that when i try and pray at home i have too many things that are distracting me from focusing on prayer. when i go to prayers in the mornings i can actually focus because well that the whole point of going. I pray allot for my friends who are going through some tough times. I pray for my youth and the leaders. My family, our church. I find myself praying for things that seem so impossible at the time, but i still have faith. I praise and worship my creator and savior, it's just a really great way to start off the day.

These past few weeks Satan has really been attacking me in any way he can. Through friend, through challenges, through acquaintances, even family. Its like..ever step i take closer to God is another shot he takes at me. Some wonder whats the point if all i get is trouble from it. The point is..on Judgment day everyone will have to be accountable for the actions they took and the choices they..the point is when the time has come i will walk through the gate into the Holy city that is waiting for us.

Lately i feel like i am so distant from everyone. Like i can see things they can't. I feel convicted because of it too at time because i don't want to be different from the ones i love but that's just the way it has to be. No one really understand what i go though in my head. Maybe one or two but that's it other than God himself. I do a pretty good job and not letting people know things are bothering me. I do however let the right people know just in case it becomes serious and i need someones help. Some days i feel like no one even knows who i am anymore, maybe that because no one really does. Yea i talk a lot about God but i don't talk about him even more just for the fact that i don't want to "preach" but what do you do when that's whats in your heart?

Things are going to change again in the next few weeks, I'm scared. I feel like i am going to lose some really important friendships. I am kinda feeling like I'm a replacement right now. Just kinda hanging out until something/someone better comes around. All my life i just wanted to fit in. Always went through phases of this and that. Becoming a Christian gave be belonging, I fit in where i am. i was thinking. I work at home depot..man that so my part time thing..Christianity is my life. Serving God is my life. This is what i am here for weather people like to admit it or not. Weather i like to admit it or not. (which i do admit)

I wonder how things are going to be when Kali comes home..i miss her a lot, and i can't wait to hear about her experiences half way around the world. That girl inspires me so much, even though she doesn't realize it, she does.

Well i didn't end up telling you about my completely crummy day at work, maybe its a good thing. its not good to dwell in thing which you can not change, or have no power in controlling. Even though i was doing a good thing. I mean i was just putting the customer first..that is our policy..okay, okay enough its just going to get me all twitchy and pissed off all over again.

it's 11:30 now i have to be up in 6 hours..i should try and get some sleep

God bless all who read these words. I pray that you glorify God in body, and in Spirit which belong to Him.

Always, mollie-ann