Thursday, February 15, 2007

I could kick myself..rolled up newspaper will do just fine

Holy man did i muck up big this time..seriously..I'm not going to talk about it and explain what happened because well really the people who need to know already know. I disappointed some people and hurt some people..i angered and upset some too.

I let things just build, and build and i didn't do nothing about it. I got scared and i froze. People tole me what i needed to do but i kept letting my pride come first. It only made things worse. The last few day i have not been able to sleep right or think right. Everything bothered me, and i noticed it had a toll on a good friend of mine and that bothered me more than all of it. I honestly didn't know what i was going to do..i needed to find a new job and i was worrying about rent and what people were thinking of me..i kept feeling like God wouldn't talk to me, but what more could he say to me really, nothing i already new, and nothing he could tell me unless i found out for myself..nothing felt right..things were uneasy and out of place and it just was not right..i needed to fix it but i got scared and didn't listen to the people i should have been listening to..in the end they were 100% right..so finally this morning i listened and put my pride aside and did what i had to do..and what happened..nothing..i still have my job so i can pay rent, immediately it felt like there was this huge burden just lightly lifted off my shoulders, i could have cried, i was so happy things were going to be okay..i mean i had faith in God that things would be okay i just didn't know how..man let me tell you this is one mistake i am never going to make again..I'm still going to get a spankin for this one next time they see me..<hmm not if i hide> no way ill take my dues this time..

so now that this is out and those of you who don't know what happened are clueless now here what i learned..........


I learned that i need to take action on the things i have done, don't let them just sit there and build until the point where you are stressed to the max, can't sleep, cant not think. Do something about it asap because if you do things will not be so bad. Don't let pride get in the way..ever! Don't think that people wont understand because you will be surprised. When people tell you to do something listen to them. Not all people but the ones you know you should be listening to..the ones who love you and care about you enough that when something happens to you it effects them too. DON'T EVER LIE.. It gets you absolutely no where, you feel guilty and sad and mad at yourself because you know it hurt the other person. Have faith in God in everything you do, just because you can't hear Him does not meant He is not there, he is just waiting for you to correct your mistake so you can go on again, and so He can continue to do the things He has set out for you. Never try to be the hero, its good to help but make sure you are not helping them too much to the point that you don't even notice you are the one who is in need. Pray more, read your bible more and do it with friends too. If you don't understand something learn it, work through it. If you are scared, don't be.. just have faith and DO what you are suppose to do. If there are problems don't run from them, face them. When all else fails,try again and try harder!

These past few days i have not even been able to blog my thought were so all over the place. I tried but nothing worth publishing you know what i mean. Well i don't know what else to write right now, all i know is that i am so grateful and thankful that i have people in my life who love me and don't give up on me. I have friends who care about me and give a crap weather or not I'm down and out. I need to learn how to push my pride aside when it is getting in the way. And even when I think I'm right i need to listen to my mentors because they are telling me things for a reason, and its to help me not take me out. Lady..thanks i love you and am so grateful that you and you family is in my life..I'm so blessed.

just trying to be a good and faithful servant

always, mollie-ann

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Mo.. im so happy that thigns are not starting to look better.. i hads faith in urself andmost importantly god.. gos helped u through this.. This reminds of of the poem Footprints in the sand.. When u think god isnt there, isnt beside you..or not tlaking toyou..hes there even more.. in fact he isnt walking right beside you hes walking with you.. heres the poem now..this is now my poem to to you mo..
FOOT PRINTS IN THE SAND:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."


MO that is the poen toyou my gurll..i lvoe you so much.. Sachette