man today totally didn't go well for me..like i accomplished something but others just totally went blah!!the best part of my day was getting to see a friend i haven't seen for a while..it really made me feel better..i moved a couple of boxes to my new place but man i so don't want to move..i love living here with my grandpa so much..i am worried about him too, i think he might be sick but i am not sure..i don't want to ask him because it just doesn't happen that way with him..my grandpa is a full Icelander..he is set in his ways..he will give you the shirt off his back..but he will also kick you ass if you deserve it..man he has helped me out so much with moving out and finding a place to live..he has been so patient with the process..i love him so much!!..as for the move i guess we will just have to see how things work out..
you know what5 i cant stand..that no one speaks their mind..if something bothers them they don't say nothing which i think is frickin stupid..how the heck are people suppose to know that they are doing something to bother you if you don't say nothing about it..now i am just as bad because if someone is doing something i don't particularly like then i just deal with it..i don't bother to tell them because i just think i am being polite but what it the point if it makes you miserable..you know what i mean? for instance..if you don't want to do something they be straight up and tell them that you don't want to..don't do it just to please them..i only know one person who is straight up and tells things how they need to be told..and she doesn't like that she is like that..but let me tell you one thing if the world was a bit more like my friend and actually communicated when they have an issue then shiet would get so fricked up all the time..people would be put into a position that they don't want to be in..i have a big problem with this because i am a major people pleaser..i love o help out but on the other hand i get so played out sometimes..
my mind is in a million places today..i cant even concentrate with my own thought..i keep jumping from thought to thought to thought..and it is driving me crazee..i want to talk about one thing in my blog then another comes up then another and it like holy man i can only talk about one things at a time here..okay that's not so bad right just type the next subject after this one right..wrong..i always forget things..i swear i am getting stupider by the day..sometimes i feel like i am a dummy because i forget how to spell simple things..there have been at least 5 things i wanted to talk about in like the last 10 minuets but do you think i could remember them? no that would make things way too easy..
you know bible college is really starting to sound better every day..i checked up some stuff online about it the other night and i think i would really like it..i want to know everything i can about Christianity..and Theology..every time i hear something about it i get so interested about it..i wish i could answer peoples question when they ask me something about being a Christian or about God..take my buddy terrin..i could pretty much ask her anything and i am pretty sure she would be able to answer it.if not she would be able to give me a bible verse or a website that would be able to answer my questions..i wish i could do that..like i said i want to know everything i can about God and Jesus..
i remember when i thought i knew what i was going to do with my life..i was going to be a drama teacher and maybe an actress one day..well that not really my passion no more..you see my problem is that i never really stick to anything for long..i always go though fases..but i don't think this is just a fase..i mean i don't want it to be and if i don't want it to be then it wont be..
sometimes i think that one day i am just going to go berserk..i hold every little thing in and it drives me nuts..i have things that i wish i could tell people but i would never tell them..(no terrin you don't know these ones)..i think that one day i am just going to go off the edge..my head isn't "all there" sometimes..i start thinking stupid and i hate it..i have an extremely active imagination and honestly it scares me sometimes..sometime si dont know what i can do..to what extent i may go..that is another reason i dont let things out is because i usually tend to go to the extreme..i don't want things to go wrong or piss off a friend because they take it personal..i am just one fucked up chick..sometimes i wonder how even God can love me..i dont really talk about shiet like this to people..well honestly would they really understand and look at me the same way..prolly not..they would prolly try to admit me into the Selkirk Mental Institution..and if they get a hold of me in there..i feel sorry for them..LOL!!..no but on the for real..i don't really think anyone actually understand me which kinda sucks..well i know one person does but she ain't always around..actually we don't talk much no more..well i am sure i have scared you away so far by now you are not even reading this no more..for those of you who are..thanks for listening!! i appreciate it..
until next time..God bless!
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