Current mood: discouraged
So this morning i finally got my butt out of bed for prayer..5:30am comes early when you don't go to bed till almost 2am..i decided the night before that i was going to walk. i could have gotten a ride to prayer from either Shawna or Dennis but i thought, no i wont bother them. I actually enjoyed walking to prayer..the sky was clear and i could see the stars..yes it was cold but when you dress for the weather its not so bad. I had a good time in prayer this morning. i have noticed that when i try and pray at home i have too many things that are distracting me from focusing on prayer. when i go to prayers in the mornings i can actually focus because well that the whole point of going. I pray allot for my friends who are going through some tough times. I pray for my youth and the leaders. My family, our church. I find myself praying for things that seem so impossible at the time, but i still have faith. I praise and worship my creator and savior, it's just a really great way to start off the day.
These past few weeks Satan has really been attacking me in any way he can. Through friend, through challenges, through acquaintances, even family. Its like..ever step i take closer to God is another shot he takes at me. Some wonder whats the point if all i get is trouble from it. The point is..on Judgment day everyone will have to be accountable for the actions they took and the choices they..the point is when the time has come i will walk through the gate into the Holy city that is waiting for us.
Lately i feel like i am so distant from everyone. Like i can see things they can't. I feel convicted because of it too at time because i don't want to be different from the ones i love but that's just the way it has to be. No one really understand what i go though in my head. Maybe one or two but that's it other than God himself. I do a pretty good job and not letting people know things are bothering me. I do however let the right people know just in case it becomes serious and i need someones help. Some days i feel like no one even knows who i am anymore, maybe that because no one really does. Yea i talk a lot about God but i don't talk about him even more just for the fact that i don't want to "preach" but what do you do when that's whats in your heart?
Things are going to change again in the next few weeks, I'm scared. I feel like i am going to lose some really important friendships. I am kinda feeling like I'm a replacement right now. Just kinda hanging out until something/someone better comes around. All my life i just wanted to fit in. Always went through phases of this and that. Becoming a Christian gave be belonging, I fit in where i am. i was thinking. I work at home depot..man that so my part time thing..Christianity is my life. Serving God is my life. This is what i am here for weather people like to admit it or not. Weather i like to admit it or not. (which i do admit)
I wonder how things are going to be when Kali comes home..i miss her a lot, and i can't wait to hear about her experiences half way around the world. That girl inspires me so much, even though she doesn't realize it, she does.
Well i didn't end up telling you about my completely crummy day at work, maybe its a good thing. its not good to dwell in thing which you can not change, or have no power in controlling. Even though i was doing a good thing. I mean i was just putting the customer first..that is our policy..okay, okay enough its just going to get me all twitchy and pissed off all over again.
it's 11:30 now i have to be up in 6 hours..i should try and get some sleep
God bless all who read these words. I pray that you glorify God in body, and in Spirit which belong to Him.
Always, mollie-ann
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
i jacked this survey from Sarah..hehehe thanks sarah
| Name: | mollie-ann |
| Birthday: | june25...*same as sarah:D* |
| Birthplace: | winnipeg |
| Current Location: | winnipeg |
| Eye Color: | brown |
| Hair Color: | brown |
| Height: | 5'4 |
| Right Handed or Left Handed: | right |
| Your Heritage: | Icelantic, Ukranian, Cree |
| The Shoes You Wore Today: | white n olive adidas |
| Your Weakness: | pride |
| Your Fears: | spiders |
| Your Perfect Pizza: | pepperoni and bacon |
| Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: | quit smoking pot |
| Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: | lol..LOL its so true |
| Thoughts First Waking Up: | man i gotta pee |
| Your Best Physical Feature: | not sure.. |
| Your Bedtime: | one i realise im falling asleep at my computer |
| Your Most Missed Memory: | My babi *grandma in ukranian* |
| Pepsi or Coke: | coke |
| MacDonalds or Burger King: | gotta be the king..but i eat at mcdicks more |
| Single or Group Dates: | single |
| Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: | nestea |
| Chocolate or Vanilla: | chocolate |
| Cappuccino or Coffee: | coffee |
| Do you Smoke: | no |
| Do you Swear: | not as much as i use to |
| Do you Sing: | yes..doesn't necessarily mean im good at it |
| Do you Shower Daily: | yes |
| Have you Been in Love: | no |
| Do you want to go to College: | yes |
| Do you want to get Married: | yes |
| Do you belive in yourself: | yes but not all the time |
| Do you get Motion Sickness: | no |
| Do you think you are Attractive: | no |
| Are you a Health Freak: | no |
| Do you get along with your Parents: | now that i dont live at home yes |
| Do you like Thunderstorms: | the thunder scares me |
| Do you play an Instrument: | no, but i used to play tormbone |
| In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: | yes |
| In the past month have you Smoked: | no |
| In the past month have you been on Drugs: | yes |
| In the past month have you gone on a Date: | no |
| In the past month have you gone to a Mall: | yes |
| In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: | no |
| In the past month have you eaten Sushi: | no but i am way over due to |
| In the past month have you been on Stage: | no |
| In the past month have you been Dumped: | no |
| In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: | haha..nope |
| In the past month have you Stolen Anything: | no |
| Ever been Drunk: | yes |
| Ever been called a Tease: | no |
| Ever been Beaten up: | by my brother |
| Ever Shoplifted: | yes |
| How do you want to Die: | same way my babi did in her sleep with her loved ones all around |
| What do you want to be when you Grow Up: | so not sure yet..man i better get on it |
| What country would you most like to Visit: | Ukraine |
| In a Boy/Girl.. | |
| Favourite Eye Color: | hazel |
| Favourite Hair Color: | brown |
| Short or Long Hair: | longer..not LONG..but longer |
| Height: | taller than me |
| Weight: | doesnt really matter |
| Best Clothing Style: | a Roots man..lol |
| Number of Drugs I have taken: | me personally..i thought his was about them..well either way the number is 7 |
| Number of CDs I own: | dont know |
| Number of Piercings: | well i use to have 10 but now i have 1 |
| Number of Tattoos: | none |
| Number of things in my Past I Regret: | none becasue i would be where i am today |
Monday, February 05, 2007
stand alone..but dont be afraid to stand up
First of all Camp Arnes was so amazing..great things happened..like for example..i led a girl in prayer to accept Jesus into he heart. It was so awesome, this girl..lets just say she kinda reminds me of me in some ways..like how she grew up and her current situation.
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You know I really don't think people get me. I mean they know the old me and everything but its just they think i am still the same person i have always been. Man they are so wrong. I am almost a completely different person. Maybe not in looks. But i am kinder, more loving, more mature, more aware than ever before. What makes the major difference is the way i think. I dont think like most 19 year old girls who 1 year dry day is coming around. I am a 19 year old too soon to be 20 Christian girl who loves God more than anything. I have such a passion to be like Jesus. That all i want is to be like him. Now days Religion is not okay to be..outspoken or verbalized without violating some guys feelings because he he has issues he cant deal with so he takes it out on God hmm does that even make sense..lol its all really funny to me you know. Someone said that a certain place was corrupt. Man i think the world needs to look the fuck around once in a while and actually take in whats going on. I am not saying that people have to go out of their way to try and do something because that would be crossing the line apparently. But if anything we need to be aware. things are NOT perfect. People are not perfect. I am not perfect. You want perfect, talk to Jesus about it because He is the only man to ever walk the earth not a sinner. And yet people still turn away from it and act like its not a big deal. Just wait when judgment day comes and you cant come into the Holy city prepared for us by the King himself don't say no one warned you. Because if you wanted you could do something about it. I just cant understand why some people don't get it.
I mean i get it and i see things happening and i am just like everyone else. Difference is i try and i care. I want to be like Christ so i am doing my best to.
Sometimes people make fun of me. Sometimes people argue with me and make me feel really insecure about myself. Some people mock me and annoy me. Sometimes people make me laugh and satisfy me with a good conversation. Sometimes people make me cry or yell and even punch things. Sometimes people hurt me or try to be better than me. Sometimes people ignore me, and are rude to me. Sometimes people boss me around. Sometimes people expect to much of me. Sometimes people are not grateful for what i do for them. Some people are inspired by me. Some people love, some like, some even hate me. Most people don't understand me or my intentions. Sometimes i do some of the same things. But i am always kind a polite when it is needed. I try to help people around me and not expect anything in return. I love my friends and my family, i love my youth. I love myself . But most of all i love my savior Jesus Christ and my Father God. I live my life the best way i know how to. I get direction from God and from my mentors. n to advice people give me and sometimes try to apply it. I am always there for my friends no matter what. I will go out of my way anytime just because that the way i am. Some people take advantage of it. Some people don't. I am just getting sick and tired of trying to understand why people cant see the thing that happen because God wanted them to. He knows what he is doing and He knows his will. He knows whats going to happen from it too. See when you go through a tough time in your life it to teach you a lesson. Most people think they just have bad luck and they are being shit on by the world. When really there is a lesson in the making you are just to stubborn and self centered to think that maybe someone is not try to get you but trying to help you. You meaning people in generally, someone being Gods army. I seriously don't know if what i am say here makes sense but it does in my head so I'm writing it. All i know is that i am here to serve my Lord. So thats what I am doing.
I don't want anyone to take anything here taken personal because it was not meant to be. I just needed to vent, not to anybody because they probably wouldn't understand, but maybe this way you can get the full view.
just trying to be a good and faithful servent
mollie-ann
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You know I really don't think people get me. I mean they know the old me and everything but its just they think i am still the same person i have always been. Man they are so wrong. I am almost a completely different person. Maybe not in looks. But i am kinder, more loving, more mature, more aware than ever before. What makes the major difference is the way i think. I dont think like most 19 year old girls who 1 year dry day is coming around. I am a 19 year old too soon to be 20 Christian girl who loves God more than anything. I have such a passion to be like Jesus. That all i want is to be like him. Now days Religion is not okay to be..outspoken or verbalized without violating some guys feelings because he he has issues he cant deal with so he takes it out on God hmm does that even make sense..lol its all really funny to me you know. Someone said that a certain place was corrupt. Man i think the world needs to look the fuck around once in a while and actually take in whats going on. I am not saying that people have to go out of their way to try and do something because that would be crossing the line apparently. But if anything we need to be aware. things are NOT perfect. People are not perfect. I am not perfect. You want perfect, talk to Jesus about it because He is the only man to ever walk the earth not a sinner. And yet people still turn away from it and act like its not a big deal. Just wait when judgment day comes and you cant come into the Holy city prepared for us by the King himself don't say no one warned you. Because if you wanted you could do something about it. I just cant understand why some people don't get it.
I mean i get it and i see things happening and i am just like everyone else. Difference is i try and i care. I want to be like Christ so i am doing my best to.
Sometimes people make fun of me. Sometimes people argue with me and make me feel really insecure about myself. Some people mock me and annoy me. Sometimes people make me laugh and satisfy me with a good conversation. Sometimes people make me cry or yell and even punch things. Sometimes people hurt me or try to be better than me. Sometimes people ignore me, and are rude to me. Sometimes people boss me around. Sometimes people expect to much of me. Sometimes people are not grateful for what i do for them. Some people are inspired by me. Some people love, some like, some even hate me. Most people don't understand me or my intentions. Sometimes i do some of the same things. But i am always kind a polite when it is needed. I try to help people around me and not expect anything in return. I love my friends and my family, i love my youth. I love myself . But most of all i love my savior Jesus Christ and my Father God. I live my life the best way i know how to. I get direction from God and from my mentors. n to advice people give me and sometimes try to apply it. I am always there for my friends no matter what. I will go out of my way anytime just because that the way i am. Some people take advantage of it. Some people don't. I am just getting sick and tired of trying to understand why people cant see the thing that happen because God wanted them to. He knows what he is doing and He knows his will. He knows whats going to happen from it too. See when you go through a tough time in your life it to teach you a lesson. Most people think they just have bad luck and they are being shit on by the world. When really there is a lesson in the making you are just to stubborn and self centered to think that maybe someone is not try to get you but trying to help you. You meaning people in generally, someone being Gods army. I seriously don't know if what i am say here makes sense but it does in my head so I'm writing it. All i know is that i am here to serve my Lord. So thats what I am doing.
I don't want anyone to take anything here taken personal because it was not meant to be. I just needed to vent, not to anybody because they probably wouldn't understand, but maybe this way you can get the full view.
just trying to be a good and faithful servent
mollie-ann
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
oh blessed is my life
You know I am so blesses with the life that I have. The people in it. The things i get to do. I am so grateful.
I know that my life is not the "life" most people would choose, but its mine and I like it. Hard days, sad days, mad days, weird and happy day. I am grateful for them. With out the trials in my life how would i know when to enjoy the good things? You wouldn't because the "good" days would just be another regular day.
When you do have a good day you notice it and you are grateful for it. They are days when nothing really seems to go wrong. Nothing can really bring you down. When you think about it and can bask in the greatness if not just for a second, it so amazing. Next time you have a good day. Cherish it.
When you have a bad day there is usually a reason behind it. Something or someone set you off. When it happens you eventually work through it or get passed it somehow, whether its a friend or drugs or crying. You get passed it. Bad days suck but they make you appreciate the good ones more.
When you have a sad day and your crying all day. Yea it sucks because your down. But it just means that something or someone really matters to you. Crying is okay..i even wish i cried more because after you cry its like a cleansing feeling. You got it out. You are relaxed and calm. Its really intriguing when i thin about it.
I have had many different types of days believe me. And so has everyone else in the world weather or not the choose to accept them when they come.
This change all the time..i say that all the time.. we just need to work with ourselves to work with the different moods and situations..how do we do this you ask? with God above, Jesus in our hearts and the Power of the Holy Spirit. for with them all things are possible.
God bless and have day..
always, mollie-ann
I know that my life is not the "life" most people would choose, but its mine and I like it. Hard days, sad days, mad days, weird and happy day. I am grateful for them. With out the trials in my life how would i know when to enjoy the good things? You wouldn't because the "good" days would just be another regular day.
When you do have a good day you notice it and you are grateful for it. They are days when nothing really seems to go wrong. Nothing can really bring you down. When you think about it and can bask in the greatness if not just for a second, it so amazing. Next time you have a good day. Cherish it.
When you have a bad day there is usually a reason behind it. Something or someone set you off. When it happens you eventually work through it or get passed it somehow, whether its a friend or drugs or crying. You get passed it. Bad days suck but they make you appreciate the good ones more.
When you have a sad day and your crying all day. Yea it sucks because your down. But it just means that something or someone really matters to you. Crying is okay..i even wish i cried more because after you cry its like a cleansing feeling. You got it out. You are relaxed and calm. Its really intriguing when i thin about it.
I have had many different types of days believe me. And so has everyone else in the world weather or not the choose to accept them when they come.
This change all the time..i say that all the time.. we just need to work with ourselves to work with the different moods and situations..how do we do this you ask? with God above, Jesus in our hearts and the Power of the Holy Spirit. for with them all things are possible.
God bless and have day..
always, mollie-ann
Sunday, January 28, 2007
It's time.
Today turned out to be a really good day! God is so amazing. The things He is doing with myself and the people around me is awesome!
Bible Study tonight was really good. We had a big discussion about random questions people had. It worked out really well. We got quite in depth which was needed for our group. I love watching things happen under the hand of God.
I enjoy my life. I try and embrace it as much as possible and take in as much as i can get out of it. I have a great life waiting for me.
Dennis said something tonight at bible study that got me thinking.......but of course as i try and type it i forgot what i was going to say..i got side tracked with a song..sorry
Tonight I decided I am done with pot for good. If I have Faith in God which I say and know I do then I can do it..I know I can with Him. I am going to from this point on I am finished with smoking pot..There are better ways to deal with things than to go and smoke my face off.
Well that about all for right now. Thought I would give you all a break and try and keep it shorter this time.
Well good night and God bless
Always, mollie-ann
Bible Study tonight was really good. We had a big discussion about random questions people had. It worked out really well. We got quite in depth which was needed for our group. I love watching things happen under the hand of God.
I enjoy my life. I try and embrace it as much as possible and take in as much as i can get out of it. I have a great life waiting for me.
Dennis said something tonight at bible study that got me thinking.......but of course as i try and type it i forgot what i was going to say..i got side tracked with a song..sorry
Tonight I decided I am done with pot for good. If I have Faith in God which I say and know I do then I can do it..I know I can with Him. I am going to from this point on I am finished with smoking pot..There are better ways to deal with things than to go and smoke my face off.
Well that about all for right now. Thought I would give you all a break and try and keep it shorter this time.
Well good night and God bless
Always, mollie-ann
Friday, January 26, 2007
when bordom strikes
so obviously yesterday was not a good day. what could have gone wrong last night pretty much went wrong last night..but other than the fact it really bothered me inside i didn't show it which is a good thing because i tend to make it known when I'm grouchy. i still kinda feel the same way today because i dont have to be at youth for like another 6 and a half hours which totally sucks the big one! I'm not sure what i am going to do today yet. when i think about it there not much to do..i could clean my room but..meh totally not down for that..
i don't work today do that wont kill no time..i have slept all that i possible can for today..every ones pretty much at school or at work which sucks because i cant even go chill with some friends..hmm..what to do today..what to do..
i still havent smoked any pot since Tuesday which is the longest i have gone in a long time..i went 23 days before..like 4 years ago or something like that..it was a bet but i on the 23rd day i blew it and had a hoot..just think about it makes me wonder how my life would have turned out if i had quit smoking pot that day..actually its really got me thinking..would i be a Christian today if i hadn't smoked weed? I'm not even going to go there right now on here..
i am dying with bordom..that would suck to die like that..just be so friggin bored that eventually you just die..that's messed..
i really miss my friend Kyle..he has been gone for just over a week now but it seems longer than that for me..Prolly seems less for him..he really is a great guy..i love that he believes in God and that even know he is struggling right now with somethings he is not giving up..such an inspiration to me..he is one person i definitely know i will know for life..stay cool Mr.Jeffery!
well i don't really have anything else to say being as theres nothing going on to talk about so i will end it here..have a good day!
always, mollie-ann
i don't work today do that wont kill no time..i have slept all that i possible can for today..every ones pretty much at school or at work which sucks because i cant even go chill with some friends..hmm..what to do today..what to do..
i still havent smoked any pot since Tuesday which is the longest i have gone in a long time..i went 23 days before..like 4 years ago or something like that..it was a bet but i on the 23rd day i blew it and had a hoot..just think about it makes me wonder how my life would have turned out if i had quit smoking pot that day..actually its really got me thinking..would i be a Christian today if i hadn't smoked weed? I'm not even going to go there right now on here..
i am dying with bordom..that would suck to die like that..just be so friggin bored that eventually you just die..that's messed..
i really miss my friend Kyle..he has been gone for just over a week now but it seems longer than that for me..Prolly seems less for him..he really is a great guy..i love that he believes in God and that even know he is struggling right now with somethings he is not giving up..such an inspiration to me..he is one person i definitely know i will know for life..stay cool Mr.Jeffery!
well i don't really have anything else to say being as theres nothing going on to talk about so i will end it here..have a good day!
always, mollie-ann
Thursday, January 25, 2007
stupid juice jug
i had a crummy sleep..crummy dreams all night..i woke up and felt crummy..i looked outside and its crummy out there..when i looked in the mirror i have crummy bags under my eyes..so of course its turning into a very crummy day..
Usually i have something i want to talk about but not today because i cant even get my thoughts organized today. I am getting bored with my life right now. Something needs to happen..something needs to change..see for me if things are not changing i get bored. Today is day two of being couped up ALONE in my room on this God forsaken computer, in this God forsaken house..i am very bitter today and I'm not sure why. Maybe its because I'm alone, or because some of my "so called friends" aren't being friends at all. Well they are i just expect too much from them.
The thing that flipped the switch today was the frikkin juice jug. Every time she finishes the juice she leaves the empty jug in the damn fridge. Okay i can understand if someone drinks all the juice and doesn't make More..that's fine.. BUT TAKE THE DAMN JUG OUT OF THE FRIDGE so the next person knows to make more..it was find the first 10 times but common the counter is like 3 feet away from the fridge..its not that hard..MAN
I am struggling with the hardest thing i have ever attempted to do..quitting smoking pot..seriously its frikkin ridiculous..i quit doing coke and i thought that was hard..then i quit smoking and i thought that was hard but compared to this those things were nothing and i mean it..all i ever think about is pot..when i don't have it i get bitchy..i didn't smoke pot yesterday and i have not yet today and i don't think i will because i have to leave for work in 45 minuets then after work I'm coming straight home..the real test is going to be after that because i don't work for 5 frikkin days..what am i going to do with myself..i have no clue but what i do know is that i am not anticipating it but whatever happens will happen..oh and did i mention that with the not smoking pot i have 0 appatite..none at all..i made KD so i could eat before work becasue i have not eaten anything yet today, i had one bite and was discusted by food..
my room is mess I'm broke and right now i just don't give a shiet about much..i don't even wanna write no more right now.
~ mollie-ann
and to top it all of u just missed my FUCKING bus for work..now my grandpa has to come a drive me..i know i shouldnt say it but what else can go wrong today
Usually i have something i want to talk about but not today because i cant even get my thoughts organized today. I am getting bored with my life right now. Something needs to happen..something needs to change..see for me if things are not changing i get bored. Today is day two of being couped up ALONE in my room on this God forsaken computer, in this God forsaken house..i am very bitter today and I'm not sure why. Maybe its because I'm alone, or because some of my "so called friends" aren't being friends at all. Well they are i just expect too much from them.
The thing that flipped the switch today was the frikkin juice jug. Every time she finishes the juice she leaves the empty jug in the damn fridge. Okay i can understand if someone drinks all the juice and doesn't make More..that's fine.. BUT TAKE THE DAMN JUG OUT OF THE FRIDGE so the next person knows to make more..it was find the first 10 times but common the counter is like 3 feet away from the fridge..its not that hard..MAN
I am struggling with the hardest thing i have ever attempted to do..quitting smoking pot..seriously its frikkin ridiculous..i quit doing coke and i thought that was hard..then i quit smoking and i thought that was hard but compared to this those things were nothing and i mean it..all i ever think about is pot..when i don't have it i get bitchy..i didn't smoke pot yesterday and i have not yet today and i don't think i will because i have to leave for work in 45 minuets then after work I'm coming straight home..the real test is going to be after that because i don't work for 5 frikkin days..what am i going to do with myself..i have no clue but what i do know is that i am not anticipating it but whatever happens will happen..oh and did i mention that with the not smoking pot i have 0 appatite..none at all..i made KD so i could eat before work becasue i have not eaten anything yet today, i had one bite and was discusted by food..
my room is mess I'm broke and right now i just don't give a shiet about much..i don't even wanna write no more right now.
~ mollie-ann
and to top it all of u just missed my FUCKING bus for work..now my grandpa has to come a drive me..i know i shouldnt say it but what else can go wrong today
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
a feeling for a day
Why are feelings so strong? If you think about it everything is based on our emotions.
Today i am having a sad/lonely day. I have been having a lot of these lately. I realised that i am addicted to socialization. I hate being alone. I never know what to do with myself. I do think it is good to be alone sometimes but i never am and when i have to be i hate it!
I think I am so sad because some people who mean a lot to me are not as in touch as i wish we were.
Kyle moved back home to Nova Scotia. I miss him tons! I really wish he would have stayed. I cant wait until he comes back in April for a visit!
One friend whom i was inseparable with, i don't really get to see much anymore which makes me sad too. We use to spend like everyday together, even if we never really did anything. I loved it. And i miss her so much! People don't even know the times i has this summer. They wouldn't even understand. its a you would have had to be there type of thing. Best summer of my life.
Kali is away in Australia. Man God is doing great things with her life. Teaching her things giving her experiences she could only have out there. Giving her new views of life. I anticipate her return home a lot!
Terrin is finished interning at the church. She went back to graduate from CPC
(Central Pentecostal College). It is so awesome shes finishing college. We sure do miss having her at nexus. I miss having her around as well. Gaming it and man i miss our talks. Man one thing i miss is debating with her. She was always right..no matter what. Yup i sure do miss the times we shared.
I tried to leave my self you know. I was going to move to Alberta with my auntie. I was really excited about it too. It would ave been such an amazing experience. I mean i spent every summer up there until i was 15, but living there would have been amazing. I would have lived in a small town so i wouldn't get myself into any trouble. I probably would have spent a lot of time on the Argo (its like a quad but it has 6 wheels) My auntie is the coolest too, both of them actually. All my life i always wondered when it would be that i was going to move up there. I gave up my chance. After i verbalized to people that i was going to leave it got harder and harder to do it. People really didn't want me to go. Some even cried, which really made me sad. In the end i made the decision i always do and do what people want me to do.
Do i regret not moving there? No not really. Does it hurt not to move there? Yea it does actually. But i am needed where i am. Everyone tells me that. Everyone tells me they love me and that they are here for me. People tell me I'm a leader and i know in my heart i am. I guess I'm just a fighter. I never give up. Some days i say i will and feel like i will but i never do. I always just usually do what I'm told.
Today I'm lonely, yes that is true but another day will come and so will more feelings..who knows how i will be feeling tomorrow..only God
Sometimes I'm still not sure if i passed the test or not though..i guess ill never know.
always Mollie-Ann
Today i am having a sad/lonely day. I have been having a lot of these lately. I realised that i am addicted to socialization. I hate being alone. I never know what to do with myself. I do think it is good to be alone sometimes but i never am and when i have to be i hate it!
I think I am so sad because some people who mean a lot to me are not as in touch as i wish we were.
Kyle moved back home to Nova Scotia. I miss him tons! I really wish he would have stayed. I cant wait until he comes back in April for a visit!
One friend whom i was inseparable with, i don't really get to see much anymore which makes me sad too. We use to spend like everyday together, even if we never really did anything. I loved it. And i miss her so much! People don't even know the times i has this summer. They wouldn't even understand. its a you would have had to be there type of thing. Best summer of my life.
Kali is away in Australia. Man God is doing great things with her life. Teaching her things giving her experiences she could only have out there. Giving her new views of life. I anticipate her return home a lot!
Terrin is finished interning at the church. She went back to graduate from CPC
(Central Pentecostal College). It is so awesome shes finishing college. We sure do miss having her at nexus. I miss having her around as well. Gaming it and man i miss our talks. Man one thing i miss is debating with her. She was always right..no matter what. Yup i sure do miss the times we shared.
I tried to leave my self you know. I was going to move to Alberta with my auntie. I was really excited about it too. It would ave been such an amazing experience. I mean i spent every summer up there until i was 15, but living there would have been amazing. I would have lived in a small town so i wouldn't get myself into any trouble. I probably would have spent a lot of time on the Argo (its like a quad but it has 6 wheels) My auntie is the coolest too, both of them actually. All my life i always wondered when it would be that i was going to move up there. I gave up my chance. After i verbalized to people that i was going to leave it got harder and harder to do it. People really didn't want me to go. Some even cried, which really made me sad. In the end i made the decision i always do and do what people want me to do.
Do i regret not moving there? No not really. Does it hurt not to move there? Yea it does actually. But i am needed where i am. Everyone tells me that. Everyone tells me they love me and that they are here for me. People tell me I'm a leader and i know in my heart i am. I guess I'm just a fighter. I never give up. Some days i say i will and feel like i will but i never do. I always just usually do what I'm told.
Today I'm lonely, yes that is true but another day will come and so will more feelings..who knows how i will be feeling tomorrow..only God
Sometimes I'm still not sure if i passed the test or not though..i guess ill never know.
always Mollie-Ann
Sunday, January 21, 2007
content..finally
I really love Gods will with my life and the things He is doing with me. I mean like, not only the things i am doing for others but the things i am beginning to learn about myself. I am learning how to apply the gifts that God has given me in everyday life, as well as my spiritual life. Things have been happening around me that just excites me.
Latley I have been fixated on change. the good, the bad, the unrealized and the planned.
People are so scared of change that really it makes me laugh..things change everyday..every second..nothing is ever the same. I think people fear it becasue they dont know whats to come..but really when you think about it, when change does happen you just kind of deal with it..well becasue you have to.
I am really thankful of my life and how blessed i am with friends and family and people who love me for who i am not what people want me to be. People like me for me. And i accept that.
So in the next 6 months i am going to set some goals for myself(no particular order except for1)
1. quit smoking marijuana completly
2. become more dedicated to my relationship with God
3. form a solid foundation with my small group and work from there
4. find a new job
5. do some outreach work (any takers)
6. start going to prayer again
Pray for me please.
take care and never stop living for Christ..if you dont live for Christ, lets talk.
always mollie-ann
Latley I have been fixated on change. the good, the bad, the unrealized and the planned.
People are so scared of change that really it makes me laugh..things change everyday..every second..nothing is ever the same. I think people fear it becasue they dont know whats to come..but really when you think about it, when change does happen you just kind of deal with it..well becasue you have to.
I am really thankful of my life and how blessed i am with friends and family and people who love me for who i am not what people want me to be. People like me for me. And i accept that.
So in the next 6 months i am going to set some goals for myself(no particular order except for1)
1. quit smoking marijuana completly
2. become more dedicated to my relationship with God
3. form a solid foundation with my small group and work from there
4. find a new job
5. do some outreach work (any takers)
6. start going to prayer again
Pray for me please.
take care and never stop living for Christ..if you dont live for Christ, lets talk.
always mollie-ann
Thursday, January 18, 2007
even when
when the days seem to long to bare,
and the night are too short to dream,
when the stars in the sky shine at their brightest,
when the moon dances carelessly in the dark sky,
when the birds are happily singing,
and dawn rises once more,
when children cuddle,
and fathers rejoice,
when all else seems impossible,
and accomplishments soar ever more,
when in the depths of hell the evil one is plotting again,
and Jesus Christ keeps you safe from harm,
know that even when it seems that all else has failed and there is no point in going on you are never alone,
nor am i, for i know that we are in each others hearts especially when so far apart.
and the night are too short to dream,
when the stars in the sky shine at their brightest,
when the moon dances carelessly in the dark sky,
when the birds are happily singing,
and dawn rises once more,
when children cuddle,
and fathers rejoice,
when all else seems impossible,
and accomplishments soar ever more,
when in the depths of hell the evil one is plotting again,
and Jesus Christ keeps you safe from harm,
know that even when it seems that all else has failed and there is no point in going on you are never alone,
nor am i, for i know that we are in each others hearts especially when so far apart.
Friday, January 12, 2007
change will never cease..thank God!
my life is changing..yet again..i am beginning to really open up and learn who i really am..i am beginning to understand myself and i think that this is so important in my relationship with God..this week has been a pretty good week..a healthy one..on terrins last night with us here in winnipeg before she went back to Verden i said to Shawna.."shawna i look out there and i am nothing like anyone out there..i dont belong with them"..this past Sunday was vision night..after it was done i went on stage and i said to her.."you know shawna i am exactly like everyone one of them out there"..she said that she could have told me that but only i could figure that out for myself..and you know what that is so true..no one can for knowledge on anyone..they have to experience it for themselves.....when i first became a Christian i was so excited about God that i just wanted everyone to know..i went about it the wrong way too.. like completly..for example..one of my friends who mean very much to me is not a follower of God..but i wanted him to..it was like i tried pushing God on him and that was not fair to God or to my friend..by doing this i lost a friend..i now know that i am never going to be able to force anyone to be a Christian nor do i want to..i just want to lead by example..people know me and how i use to be..they are not stupid..when i said that i was just like everone else at my church i ment it like this: these people..all they are trying to do is live their lives the best they know how to under our Father..i saw past the labels and realised that they are all just real people..just like me..trying to be good and faithful servents..some more so than others..but nevertheless i am just like them..i am really beginning to see the changes in myself..the way i think..the way i act..i have lernt that my biggest down fall is my pride..i need to work on that..and many other things but as a Christian i know that with Jesus by my side everything is going to be okay..i learn new things everyday..and everyday i look forward to the next..
i want to keep writing more but someonthing telling me to stop here..maybe its God maybe its becasue its late and i have to work tomorrow..but i think i will listen to it..good night!
always mo
i want to keep writing more but someonthing telling me to stop here..maybe its God maybe its becasue its late and i have to work tomorrow..but i think i will listen to it..good night!
always mo
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
lost my grip
i feel like i am falling..my relationship with Christ is thinning out..weakening..Hes not but i am..i don't know why..its like i am just waiting for something to happen..things have changed so much in the past month its kinda scary!..things are also moving so fast that i feel like i cant even catch my breath..figuratively speaking of course..i am finding the the people who are surrounding me are the ones i have been trying to get my self away from..i don't mean people but i mean the type of people..i find myself hanging out at parties and devoting my life towards the wrong things..the wrong people..i am beginning to doubt my ability to walk through the gates of heaven if i die today..i am failing Him right before His eyes..and it is so shameful..someone said to me that if i am acting the way i am then they don't see me as a Christian..you know what the fucked up thing is..I'm starting to not see me as a Christian either..i feel like i am falling just dropping off into nothing..like falling through the sky but when i envision it everything is dark..empty..cold..and no matter how hard i try there is nothing to grab hold of..nothing or no one to grab when before i hit the bottom of the pit..kinda like i lost my grip on life
..mo
..mo
Monday, January 01, 2007
New Years resolution..
A couple of years back i made a new years resolution to never make a new years resolution again..it was going quite well too..
this year i decided to break that resolution and make one..
i have decided that this year my resolution should be one thing and one thing only..
so my new years resolution is that i am going to do my best..for Jesus..to quit smoking pot..there a re a lot of people who don't want me to smoke it, and taking into consideration what happened last night this is the best thing for me to do..
this is going to be very difficult for me i think..i have smoked it for 8 years..now i i quit smoking and have not had a single drag of a cigarette for three months 1 week and 2 days which is pretty darn good if you ask me..
last night i got thinking and i realised that people know me as a pot head..they know me as the chick who can puff forever..if i smoke pot i am not going to hold it against myself but i am going to take this giant step in some broken down smaller steps..like cuttin down to a gram a day..that's good considering i smoke up to 7 a day which is not so good for me or my relationship with God..
i am going through so much changes in life..i am living on my own..i work..going back to school..Church..my life is so different from back then..everything takes time..
so there it is..the puffin champ of peg city..on the road to retirement..
well peace out homies
P.s TERRIN..HOMIE..hope your life is all good
this year i decided to break that resolution and make one..
i have decided that this year my resolution should be one thing and one thing only..
so my new years resolution is that i am going to do my best..for Jesus..to quit smoking pot..there a re a lot of people who don't want me to smoke it, and taking into consideration what happened last night this is the best thing for me to do..
this is going to be very difficult for me i think..i have smoked it for 8 years..now i i quit smoking and have not had a single drag of a cigarette for three months 1 week and 2 days which is pretty darn good if you ask me..
last night i got thinking and i realised that people know me as a pot head..they know me as the chick who can puff forever..if i smoke pot i am not going to hold it against myself but i am going to take this giant step in some broken down smaller steps..like cuttin down to a gram a day..that's good considering i smoke up to 7 a day which is not so good for me or my relationship with God..
i am going through so much changes in life..i am living on my own..i work..going back to school..Church..my life is so different from back then..everything takes time..
so there it is..the puffin champ of peg city..on the road to retirement..
well peace out homies
P.s TERRIN..HOMIE..hope your life is all good
Sunday, December 24, 2006
a prayer
Today i revieved one of those annoying forward emails that i usually just delete, but it was from my sister in law so i thought i would check it out..
it had the usual this will happen if you: "send it to 4 people in the next 4 minuets or else!" but the thing to forward on was this prayer..when i read it i though i would put it up here as my blog so people can read it if they like..i know i dont like getting forwards and this way i can share somehting nice just for the fun of it..
i rather enjoyed this prayer, it is a definate write down..i am going to the Candlelight service tonight at the church i think this is the prayer i am going to focus on tonight..i will also be praying for my friends and family, and our church as well as our community..
Merry Christmas to all..and wishing the best with joy in the new year!
Always Mollie <3
enojy:
Father, I ask You to bless my
friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Yo ur p eace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.
it had the usual this will happen if you: "send it to 4 people in the next 4 minuets or else!" but the thing to forward on was this prayer..when i read it i though i would put it up here as my blog so people can read it if they like..i know i dont like getting forwards and this way i can share somehting nice just for the fun of it..
i rather enjoyed this prayer, it is a definate write down..i am going to the Candlelight service tonight at the church i think this is the prayer i am going to focus on tonight..i will also be praying for my friends and family, and our church as well as our community..
Merry Christmas to all..and wishing the best with joy in the new year!
Always Mollie <3
enojy:
Father, I ask You to bless my
friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Yo ur p eace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
.....................................................................................................
I am reading some letters to Santa in the Winnipeg Free Press. Most of the letters are about things children want for Christmas which is usually the case when writing letters to Santa. One kid writes that He wants like 22 different things, another 13, and another 9. Most are toys or something expensive. You know I wasn’t raised first class. More like lower middle class. Single Mom three kids in the North End if Winnipeg. Not your ideal fairy tale dream life. We never had much money and most often found ourselves getting into some kind of trouble. But we were raised on good morals. I honestly believe that I am a good person just trying to the best I can at life. I never needed the latest, fad. I wouldn’t even dream of it because there was no point I knew I would never get it. I had a good imagination and had just as much fun if not more. Man did I have an attitude, but when respect was due it was given immediately. When we did have some spare money Mom would take us out to a restaurant for something to eat, it was always fun. But what I remember more than the restaurants were the compliment me and my sister use to get from the waitresses were always good and made me feel proud.
Lately I have realized that being poor was not so bad. Having no money taught me how to make do with what I do have rather than dwell on the things I don’t. I am a good person and it has nothing to do with money at all. As a matter of fact money means so little to me at times that it’s not a good thing. I’ll just leave it at that.
(Terrin I know I said that the little drummer boy was my favorite Christmas song. Well, not so much. Drummer boy was my grandmas favorite and that’s why I liked it so much but I think I found one I really like. Oh Holy Night. )
There was this one letter to Santa that made me feel good inside. The Child writes:
Dear Santa,
First of all, Merry Christmas to Mrs. Clause, elves, Rudolph, and you. I am not going to ask you anything for myself this year. I want you to go and give gifts to the soldier that is fighting far away from home and their family! I want you to come see our big beautiful school that was built for our community, the name of the school is Minegoziibe Anishingbe School. It’s from Nursery to twelve.
Love Moses
P.s. I know I Wasn’t going to ask abut can you send an Xbox.
Reading that makes me have Faith in people. It reassures me that there are still many, many7 people out there who need help. This child who thought more about others than himself makes me praise God. This child who cares about people, a child with good morals and a good head on his shoulders. He sounds more spiritually mature than s lot of people I know. But then again age means nothing.
I went to prayer this morning at my church; Shawna was kind enough to pick me up on her way there. Pastor Alan spoke about living for others rather than yourself. He said that the “immature” Christian thinks not about other but only himself. When I take a loot at my life and where I stand I know that I defiantly put my neighbors before myself.(I don’t mean my neighbor literally, but biblically) Sometimes they manipulate me and take me for granted which isn’t fair, but not everyone is like that and it doesn’t stop me from doing good to others. Not just the less fortunate but others in general. Helping fellow man, you know what I mean. Like holding open a door for someone, being kind and loving. Pulling over to help someone stuck in a ditch, literally and metaphorically.
“What a world it would be if we lived for others rather than ourselves.”
- Pastor Alan Duncalfe
I am still sad about my good friend Terrins internship coming to an end at our Church. Boy did we ever have some good times. Memories I hope I will always remember! People usually give up on me. I am a lot to work with. I have been, lived, loved, fought, and learned a lot in my life, and I am only 19. it usually came down to be being disappointed. I trusted then and they let me down. It may have been who let them down, which now that I think about it, it could be very well that it was I who let them down and thus disappointing myself. Not with Terrin. I believe that we have a good solid friendship! A friend for life even, our friendship is based on honesty and trust. With this comes serious times, fun times, sad times, throwing baseballs in lockers at camp times. Times that will be with me forever. Oh and how could I forget the gaming and coffee times. I have had some of the best times of my life in the past 8 months. When I think about it, well as I am thinking about it, and as someone brought to my attention she has become a sister to me. We fight, laugh, and cry, have fun, just like sisters. Man I miss her! You know what really cool though? She is going to graduate this semester from CPC. (that’s Central Pentecostal College in Saskatoon for those of you who don’t know) That’s so awesome! She is such an inspiration to my life. I want to be like her, I want the passion she has and the willingness to say “Yes Lord!”
If I have learned anything its that things take time, growing and learning takes time. But with no excuses time can go by with more ease and less complications.
Terrin knows that she always has a place with us. In our hearts, our homes, and the Church. No matter what, she will always be part of our family whether she’s away at school, in Virden with her folks, living in Brandon or back here in Winnipeg, or anywhere for that matter.
You know I am so grateful that Kalandra invited me to youth, and that I went. Going there that first time changed my life. I am still working through the changes because like I said and was taught; things, especially change, take time. I want to be just like Jesus. I want to help people and do my share to help make the world a better place to the best of my ability. To glorify Him. All I need to do is say “Yes Lord!” and obey. God is so amazing. I just wish it want so hard for some people to understand it.
I love you Lord. My Father and creator. Thank you for my life and friends and family. Thank you for the blessings you have given me.
Yours truly, trying to be a good and faithful servant, until next time,
God bless and Merry Christmas!!
With love Mollie
Lately I have realized that being poor was not so bad. Having no money taught me how to make do with what I do have rather than dwell on the things I don’t. I am a good person and it has nothing to do with money at all. As a matter of fact money means so little to me at times that it’s not a good thing. I’ll just leave it at that.
(Terrin I know I said that the little drummer boy was my favorite Christmas song. Well, not so much. Drummer boy was my grandmas favorite and that’s why I liked it so much but I think I found one I really like. Oh Holy Night. )
There was this one letter to Santa that made me feel good inside. The Child writes:
Dear Santa,
First of all, Merry Christmas to Mrs. Clause, elves, Rudolph, and you. I am not going to ask you anything for myself this year. I want you to go and give gifts to the soldier that is fighting far away from home and their family! I want you to come see our big beautiful school that was built for our community, the name of the school is Minegoziibe Anishingbe School. It’s from Nursery to twelve.
Love Moses
P.s. I know I Wasn’t going to ask abut can you send an Xbox.
Reading that makes me have Faith in people. It reassures me that there are still many, many7 people out there who need help. This child who thought more about others than himself makes me praise God. This child who cares about people, a child with good morals and a good head on his shoulders. He sounds more spiritually mature than s lot of people I know. But then again age means nothing.
I went to prayer this morning at my church; Shawna was kind enough to pick me up on her way there. Pastor Alan spoke about living for others rather than yourself. He said that the “immature” Christian thinks not about other but only himself. When I take a loot at my life and where I stand I know that I defiantly put my neighbors before myself.(I don’t mean my neighbor literally, but biblically) Sometimes they manipulate me and take me for granted which isn’t fair, but not everyone is like that and it doesn’t stop me from doing good to others. Not just the less fortunate but others in general. Helping fellow man, you know what I mean. Like holding open a door for someone, being kind and loving. Pulling over to help someone stuck in a ditch, literally and metaphorically.
“What a world it would be if we lived for others rather than ourselves.”
- Pastor Alan Duncalfe
I am still sad about my good friend Terrins internship coming to an end at our Church. Boy did we ever have some good times. Memories I hope I will always remember! People usually give up on me. I am a lot to work with. I have been, lived, loved, fought, and learned a lot in my life, and I am only 19. it usually came down to be being disappointed. I trusted then and they let me down. It may have been who let them down, which now that I think about it, it could be very well that it was I who let them down and thus disappointing myself. Not with Terrin. I believe that we have a good solid friendship! A friend for life even, our friendship is based on honesty and trust. With this comes serious times, fun times, sad times, throwing baseballs in lockers at camp times. Times that will be with me forever. Oh and how could I forget the gaming and coffee times. I have had some of the best times of my life in the past 8 months. When I think about it, well as I am thinking about it, and as someone brought to my attention she has become a sister to me. We fight, laugh, and cry, have fun, just like sisters. Man I miss her! You know what really cool though? She is going to graduate this semester from CPC. (that’s Central Pentecostal College in Saskatoon for those of you who don’t know) That’s so awesome! She is such an inspiration to my life. I want to be like her, I want the passion she has and the willingness to say “Yes Lord!”
If I have learned anything its that things take time, growing and learning takes time. But with no excuses time can go by with more ease and less complications.
Terrin knows that she always has a place with us. In our hearts, our homes, and the Church. No matter what, she will always be part of our family whether she’s away at school, in Virden with her folks, living in Brandon or back here in Winnipeg, or anywhere for that matter.
You know I am so grateful that Kalandra invited me to youth, and that I went. Going there that first time changed my life. I am still working through the changes because like I said and was taught; things, especially change, take time. I want to be just like Jesus. I want to help people and do my share to help make the world a better place to the best of my ability. To glorify Him. All I need to do is say “Yes Lord!” and obey. God is so amazing. I just wish it want so hard for some people to understand it.
I love you Lord. My Father and creator. Thank you for my life and friends and family. Thank you for the blessings you have given me.
Yours truly, trying to be a good and faithful servant, until next time,
God bless and Merry Christmas!!
With love Mollie
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Farewell Friend!
you know what i cant stand..i cant stand when i don't know what emotion i am feeling..a really good Friend of mine is going back to school..and i know that i am really going to miss her and that i feel like i want to cry but i know I'm not..like I'm going back in my shell again..i am a very complicated person to someone who does not know me..i think so much..sometimes i cant sleep at might because i just keep thinking and thinking and thinking..and you know what messed up about that? i don't get any conclusions from it..i just think about this and that but never get an answer..and i can never seem to be able to explain what i was/am thinking which makes me angry..
you know lately with not knowing how I'm feeling drives me insane..at times i don't know if i am feeling angry..sad..frustrated..confused..happy..tired..scared..maybe its because i am feeling all of them at the same time that i just don't notice it..either way its not a good thing..
my friend is going back to school and when i think about it i don't know how i feel..i wish i did because then i would know what to expect when she leaves..she is a very good friend of mine..a very good teacher and mentor..i don't want her to leave but that's just selfish..because if she doesn't leave then she wouldn't graduate..and that i do not want to happen..she asked me today who i am going to be accountable to when she leaves..the answer to that is no one..i am just going to live and see if i can do it..i don't know what kind of changes are to come in the next little while..i know i should be scared because times change everyday..i just hate goodbyes..and i hate crying in front of people..things are defiantly going to be different but who knows maybe everything will work out okay..maybe she is going to be back soon..i don't know the answer but what i do know is that she is a really awesome person and the passion this girl has for the Lord..she is always learning new thing and teaching things she knows to others..i have come to trust her so much..she is part of my family..living the best we can..she has been drilling this into my head the last little while..."No Excuses!!"
man if i really lived by that things would work out a lot better..i love to procrastinate..which is stupid because then it just puts more stress on myself..the things we talk about are things i don't want do but most of the times she can get it out of me..lately though i have been holding back..i know it is going to be hard fore me when she leaves so i just want to try and soften the blow a bit you know what i mean..i am really going to miss her..i have this..i will call it..my not so secret..it is something i do that i know i shouldn't..i know she doesn't want me to do it but honestly right now i cant really say anything because no excuses...but for some reason i just wont do it..its like i don't have the strength to do it..which makes me not want to talk about it because it makes me look weak..i know that she has the best of intentions for me but i can be so stubborn at times..well she knows i love her and that i have made a friend for life no matter what happens in the next few months..and even though i told her i would not cry when she leaves i know i will..and so does she.
thanks for your friendship and your patience with me..you are a great leader and mentor my friend..no matter what happens i am happy for you because you are taking the next step up in life..God Bless you homie
"God treats us too well to give us some of the things we ask for" -Timothy Jones
you know lately with not knowing how I'm feeling drives me insane..at times i don't know if i am feeling angry..sad..frustrated..confused..happy..tired..scared..maybe its because i am feeling all of them at the same time that i just don't notice it..either way its not a good thing..
my friend is going back to school and when i think about it i don't know how i feel..i wish i did because then i would know what to expect when she leaves..she is a very good friend of mine..a very good teacher and mentor..i don't want her to leave but that's just selfish..because if she doesn't leave then she wouldn't graduate..and that i do not want to happen..she asked me today who i am going to be accountable to when she leaves..the answer to that is no one..i am just going to live and see if i can do it..i don't know what kind of changes are to come in the next little while..i know i should be scared because times change everyday..i just hate goodbyes..and i hate crying in front of people..things are defiantly going to be different but who knows maybe everything will work out okay..maybe she is going to be back soon..i don't know the answer but what i do know is that she is a really awesome person and the passion this girl has for the Lord..she is always learning new thing and teaching things she knows to others..i have come to trust her so much..she is part of my family..living the best we can..she has been drilling this into my head the last little while..."No Excuses!!"
man if i really lived by that things would work out a lot better..i love to procrastinate..which is stupid because then it just puts more stress on myself..the things we talk about are things i don't want do but most of the times she can get it out of me..lately though i have been holding back..i know it is going to be hard fore me when she leaves so i just want to try and soften the blow a bit you know what i mean..i am really going to miss her..i have this..i will call it..my not so secret..it is something i do that i know i shouldn't..i know she doesn't want me to do it but honestly right now i cant really say anything because no excuses...but for some reason i just wont do it..its like i don't have the strength to do it..which makes me not want to talk about it because it makes me look weak..i know that she has the best of intentions for me but i can be so stubborn at times..well she knows i love her and that i have made a friend for life no matter what happens in the next few months..and even though i told her i would not cry when she leaves i know i will..and so does she.
thanks for your friendship and your patience with me..you are a great leader and mentor my friend..no matter what happens i am happy for you because you are taking the next step up in life..God Bless you homie
"God treats us too well to give us some of the things we ask for" -Timothy Jones
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
High on the Holy Spirit!
Current mood: see bottom of page
You know God is so amazing!!
Today is December the 5th 2006 exactly 20 days away from Christmas..This is my first Christmas as a
Christian..everyone is telling me Christmas as a Christian is going to be good..i cant wait!!
So life has been a bit bumpy for me latley..i have been struggling with some things..but all is well..my friends whom i love and thank for putting up with me, not only that but they help me and never give up on me..i am greatful for this..you see when i doubt something then i go all in for it to prove it out..figure it out am i right..no usually i am wrong..well actually if you ask one person she will tell you i am always wrong..not literally but atleast with her i cant win..she has a lot of wisdom and is a great teacher to me..her passion for life and God amazes me..i want whats she has..i sure am going to miss her..
..So this past weekend has been amazing..i can feel the lord in me again..i found my passion..it doesnt mean that everything is perfect..it just means thats i was wrong yet again because prayer really does work..things just take time! He is a powerful, loving God..i am going to be one of the people who walk through the gates and He says to be Well done!
i am reading this book on prayer and and Pslam 135: 5 came up..and i had a question about it so i called up the person i knew would be able to help me..my intern terrin..i asked her why it said..
I know that the LORD is great, that our Lord is greater than all gods.
Psalm 135:5
in the past i argued a possibility of other gods..but i was was given the correct answers..so naturally i questioned it..and came up with thids conclusion..the Lord is greater than all gods because any other "god" other than God himself, is a false God (thanks ter!) after i realised that i was correct i felt so good..i felt proud because i just want to learn all i can..and understand all i can..this feeling was incredible!! it was like..it was like i was High on the Holy Spirit!! i looked up into the sky and i could see the clouds forming together..it was so amazing..i could see God at work..right there in plane site..i was in aww..i even started laughing becasue i felt so much joy in my heart..Praise the Lord!!
one day at a time..Pray hard have Faith and Obey!
[[and you what whats even sweeter!! i just pushed spell check and it said "No Misspelling found "]]
Current mood: why dont you tell me?
signing off Mollie "godzilla" Erickson LOL!!
You know God is so amazing!!
Today is December the 5th 2006 exactly 20 days away from Christmas..This is my first Christmas as a
Christian..everyone is telling me Christmas as a Christian is going to be good..i cant wait!!
So life has been a bit bumpy for me latley..i have been struggling with some things..but all is well..my friends whom i love and thank for putting up with me, not only that but they help me and never give up on me..i am greatful for this..you see when i doubt something then i go all in for it to prove it out..figure it out am i right..no usually i am wrong..well actually if you ask one person she will tell you i am always wrong..not literally but atleast with her i cant win..she has a lot of wisdom and is a great teacher to me..her passion for life and God amazes me..i want whats she has..i sure am going to miss her..
..So this past weekend has been amazing..i can feel the lord in me again..i found my passion..it doesnt mean that everything is perfect..it just means thats i was wrong yet again because prayer really does work..things just take time! He is a powerful, loving God..i am going to be one of the people who walk through the gates and He says to be Well done!
i am reading this book on prayer and and Pslam 135: 5 came up..and i had a question about it so i called up the person i knew would be able to help me..my intern terrin..i asked her why it said..
I know that the LORD is great, that our Lord is greater than all gods.
Psalm 135:5
in the past i argued a possibility of other gods..but i was was given the correct answers..so naturally i questioned it..and came up with thids conclusion..the Lord is greater than all gods because any other "god" other than God himself, is a false God (thanks ter!) after i realised that i was correct i felt so good..i felt proud because i just want to learn all i can..and understand all i can..this feeling was incredible!! it was like..it was like i was High on the Holy Spirit!! i looked up into the sky and i could see the clouds forming together..it was so amazing..i could see God at work..right there in plane site..i was in aww..i even started laughing becasue i felt so much joy in my heart..Praise the Lord!!
one day at a time..Pray hard have Faith and Obey!
[[and you what whats even sweeter!! i just pushed spell check and it said "No Misspelling found "]]
Current mood: why dont you tell me?
signing off Mollie "godzilla" Erickson LOL!!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
just dont ask..
Current mood: you know i could tell you even if i wanted to..
so heres the thing..some day i dont know what i want anymore..i mean i know that i want to be a Christian and that i want to glorify him..bu then again some days i just wonder..what if..now i know that i should not be going by the "what if" scenario but seriously what if what i am doing is not right what if my life is just one big sham..here's my situation..
what if there is someone higher than God? What is God has a God..What if there are multiple Gods but we don't know that because we are only to know what we are suppose to know..take aliens for example..what if they have a different God and they were able to create their"world" to their likings..the other night i was thinking about this..what if there ARE a number of Gods but each one runs things differently..i know that there is a heaven and a hell and i know what will happen if i don't obey my God but then again what if i was created just for the sake of making one Gods world greater than the other..how many are there..what if my God has to check in with his God like i have to with mine..what if there really is no God and just by chance we are here..last night while lying in bed i was thinking about thins and i prayed that God would help me answer this because i didn't want to be thinking about it anymore..but i just kept thinking and kept wondering.....what if?
the other night i decided to quit smoking pot..i even signed a contract with a good friend of mine..but i went and messed it up..you see smoking pot is a very difficult situation to explain..i like doing it..other than it being a sin and having my church family tell me i should be doing it i don't really find anything wrong with it..the bible said that we should be sober in thought..but i am not obeying because i get high..i live a double life..in one life i am a Christian..in the other a gangsta..do you have any idea how frikkin hard it is to be living a double life? man it sucks..it is so hard to keep up..you see the problem is i have doubts about my faith..i don't talk about it because they are stupid and i shouldn't even be thinking again it..but then that question comes up again...what if..or even what if not..
what would you do? because honestly right now i dont have a clue.....until next time
mo
so heres the thing..some day i dont know what i want anymore..i mean i know that i want to be a Christian and that i want to glorify him..bu then again some days i just wonder..what if..now i know that i should not be going by the "what if" scenario but seriously what if what i am doing is not right what if my life is just one big sham..here's my situation..
what if there is someone higher than God? What is God has a God..What if there are multiple Gods but we don't know that because we are only to know what we are suppose to know..take aliens for example..what if they have a different God and they were able to create their"world" to their likings..the other night i was thinking about this..what if there ARE a number of Gods but each one runs things differently..i know that there is a heaven and a hell and i know what will happen if i don't obey my God but then again what if i was created just for the sake of making one Gods world greater than the other..how many are there..what if my God has to check in with his God like i have to with mine..what if there really is no God and just by chance we are here..last night while lying in bed i was thinking about thins and i prayed that God would help me answer this because i didn't want to be thinking about it anymore..but i just kept thinking and kept wondering.....what if?
the other night i decided to quit smoking pot..i even signed a contract with a good friend of mine..but i went and messed it up..you see smoking pot is a very difficult situation to explain..i like doing it..other than it being a sin and having my church family tell me i should be doing it i don't really find anything wrong with it..the bible said that we should be sober in thought..but i am not obeying because i get high..i live a double life..in one life i am a Christian..in the other a gangsta..do you have any idea how frikkin hard it is to be living a double life? man it sucks..it is so hard to keep up..you see the problem is i have doubts about my faith..i don't talk about it because they are stupid and i shouldn't even be thinking again it..but then that question comes up again...what if..or even what if not..
what would you do? because honestly right now i dont have a clue.....until next time
mo
Sunday, November 19, 2006
I just want people to know the real definition of a team...please take the time and actualy read it
Team
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
For the River in the North-East of England, see: River Team.
A team comprises any group of people or animals linked in a common purpose. A group in itself does not necessarily constitute a team. There are however many components that make up a team like manager and agents.
Thus teams of sports players can form (and re-form) to practice their craft. Transport logistics executives can select teams of horses, dogs or oxen for the purpose of conveying goods.
Theorists in business in the late 20th century popularized the concept of constructing teams. Differing opinions exist on the efficacy of this new management fad. Some see "team" as a four-letter word: overused and under-useful. Others see it as a panacea that finally realizes the human relations movement's desire to integrate what that movement perceives as best for workers and as best for managers. Still others believe in the effectiveness of teams, but also see them as dangerous because of the potential for exploiting workers — in that team effectiveness can rely on peer pressure and peer surveillance. Teams are especially appropriate for conducting tasks that are high in complexity and have many interdependent subtasks.
Compare the more structured/skilled concept of a crew, and the advantages of formal and informal partnerships.
Large teams can sub-divide into sub-teams according to need.
Many teams go through a life-cycle of stages, identified by Bruce Tuckman as: forming, storming, norming, performing and adjourning.
[edit] Types of Teams
Of particular importance is the concept of different types of teams. A bright line is usually drawn between "independent" and "interdependent" teams. To continue the sports team example, a football team is clearly an interdependent team: no significant task can be accomplished without the help of essentially all team members, team members typically specialize in different tasks (carrying the ball, kicking the ball, blocking opposing players), and the success of every individual is inextricably bound to the success of the whole team. No quarterback, no matter how talented, has ever won a season by playing alone.
On the other hand, a tennis team is a classic example of an independent team: matches are played and won by individuals or partners, every person performs basically the same actions, and whether one player wins or loses has no direct effect on the performance of the next player. If all team members each perform the same basic tasks, such as students working problems in a math class, or outside sales employees making phone calls, then it is likely an independent team. They may be able to help each other — perhaps by offering advice or practice time, by providing moral support, or by helping in the background during a busy time — but each individual's success is primarily due to each individual's own efforts. Tennis players do not win their own matches merely because the rest of their teammates did, and math students do not pass tests merely because their neighbors know how to solve the equations.
Coaching an 'interdependent" team like a football team necessarily requires a different approach from coaching an "independent" team. An interdependent team benefits from getting to know the other team members socially, from developing trust in each other, and from conquering artificial challenges (such as offered in outdoors ropes courses).
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
For the River in the North-East of England, see: River Team.
A team comprises any group of people or animals linked in a common purpose. A group in itself does not necessarily constitute a team. There are however many components that make up a team like manager and agents.
Thus teams of sports players can form (and re-form) to practice their craft. Transport logistics executives can select teams of horses, dogs or oxen for the purpose of conveying goods.
Theorists in business in the late 20th century popularized the concept of constructing teams. Differing opinions exist on the efficacy of this new management fad. Some see "team" as a four-letter word: overused and under-useful. Others see it as a panacea that finally realizes the human relations movement's desire to integrate what that movement perceives as best for workers and as best for managers. Still others believe in the effectiveness of teams, but also see them as dangerous because of the potential for exploiting workers — in that team effectiveness can rely on peer pressure and peer surveillance. Teams are especially appropriate for conducting tasks that are high in complexity and have many interdependent subtasks.
Compare the more structured/skilled concept of a crew, and the advantages of formal and informal partnerships.
Large teams can sub-divide into sub-teams according to need.
Many teams go through a life-cycle of stages, identified by Bruce Tuckman as: forming, storming, norming, performing and adjourning.
[edit] Types of Teams
Of particular importance is the concept of different types of teams. A bright line is usually drawn between "independent" and "interdependent" teams. To continue the sports team example, a football team is clearly an interdependent team: no significant task can be accomplished without the help of essentially all team members, team members typically specialize in different tasks (carrying the ball, kicking the ball, blocking opposing players), and the success of every individual is inextricably bound to the success of the whole team. No quarterback, no matter how talented, has ever won a season by playing alone.
On the other hand, a tennis team is a classic example of an independent team: matches are played and won by individuals or partners, every person performs basically the same actions, and whether one player wins or loses has no direct effect on the performance of the next player. If all team members each perform the same basic tasks, such as students working problems in a math class, or outside sales employees making phone calls, then it is likely an independent team. They may be able to help each other — perhaps by offering advice or practice time, by providing moral support, or by helping in the background during a busy time — but each individual's success is primarily due to each individual's own efforts. Tennis players do not win their own matches merely because the rest of their teammates did, and math students do not pass tests merely because their neighbors know how to solve the equations.
Coaching an 'interdependent" team like a football team necessarily requires a different approach from coaching an "independent" team. An interdependent team benefits from getting to know the other team members socially, from developing trust in each other, and from conquering artificial challenges (such as offered in outdoors ropes courses).
Thursday, November 09, 2006
got something on the mind
Current Mood: stable and thinking like crazee
do you ever think so much you think you are actually crazy because no one should think this much becasue well if you think of it thinking is just talking to your self, as long as you're not talking to yourself out loud when you are around other people..anyways..i am a thinker..i don't necessarily think things to resolution but more of just thinking about things in general..kind of like stressing over something..not meaning to..but none the less stressing..for instance..last night i dreamt about work all night because well thats what occupies me a lot during the days..i would dream that i am helping a customer but when i gave the customer their receipt i would wake up..this happened like 6 times..my sleep last night was horrible..during the days its crazee though because that's when i am thinking about the big stuff..like personal problems i have been having..trying to do the best i can at being a Christian, diong my best to help with neXus and Sundays..trying not to take on everything on my own or not over loading my schedule..it seems like i have not made very much time for myself latley which is alright but i havent been making much time for God which is not so good..things in my life are just going so fast that i am trying to go through all these things on my own and i am getting my but kicked..i dont know why i just can't think to lean on Him when i am weak..i wish i would becasue i know that if i do things will be okay..i am still having a hard time with praying at times but i am trying..i havent had a really good worship time in a while so i am really looking forward to youth tomorrow night..i really need it..kali is still in australia and i really miss her..i keep meaning to write her an eamil but i just get so busy and i keep putting it off..it seems like i have been putting off a lot latley..kali come back in march..cant wait..terrin ia coming back from CPC on sunday which is pretty cool.. i have missed her a lot too..we defiantly need to dedicate some long awaited gaming time..work is going really well, but someitmes it drives me nuts..i always have a smile on my faceand i understand that some people have bad days but why be mean to someone when they are being really nice to you..it just doesnt make sense..i love my HD's (head cashiers) they are so much fun..well there is one i dont really like but i am nice to her anyway..i am not going to like everyone i meet right..i really miss my aunties from alberta..i use to see them like 3 times a year but now i have not seen them for about 4 years..i sure hope they come in for Christmas it would be great to see them..
you know when i think about it i live a very different life from when i was a non-Christian..and it is the same life i see everyone who i use to hang around with living..you know you think you are happy but its just because you are hiding the big empty hole inside of you..you know its there but no one else has to know..i was depressed and angry at the world..i took it out on myself and got addicted to drugs and got myself clean again..i fought with my mom my whole life..i made fun of other people so people wouldnt make fun of me..i never listen to anyone..i always did what i wanted and never cared what anyone else had to say..i thought i knew it all and you know what i was pretty good at convincing others that i knew it all too..i was so good at the game i could even fool myself..all your life you ignore what everyone tells you..they said dont smoke so i smoked..they said dont do drugs so i did drugs..they said go to your room i said screw you! you think the world is out to get you..but then one day something happens to you and you begin to understand..you start hearing yourself telling other people what people told you your whole life..or atleast thats what happened to me..one day it was just like a giant switch got turned on and it all made sense..i tried everything to make it throgh life but i found the way..its harder than living a life full of sin..harder than having fun a doing what i want..but its a one way ticket to the Holy City..i have dedicated my life to Christ..and i am doing my best do right..it gets so hard sometimes becasue it is just so easy to just say whatever go fuck up everything i have worked so hard for..and for what..to give satisfaction to satan? i dont think so..i want to glorify my God not dissapoint Him..i want to live they way He wants me to..i want to do the things He needs me to do..because without Him i am nothing..i am not saying what people tell me i am saying what i have learned from living..how can people be so blind..how can they deny Him so easily when He was the one who created them? How can they empower satan by going along with his dirty scemes..how shameful they must look in the eyes of Our Lord..we Christian need to come together and spread the Word of our Father and help these poor lost souls find their way..find what they are ment to be doing..we need to help them find the light..we need to set the example for non-Christian..how are they going to know which way to go if we are showing them mixed signals..it is time we take a stand and make examples of our Father..
God bless the lost souls..i pray that God will send someone to help guide you in times of trial and need
God bless the servants of Christ..lets make our Father proud..spread the Gospel
for now this is what i have to say..until next time
-Mollie
do you ever think so much you think you are actually crazy because no one should think this much becasue well if you think of it thinking is just talking to your self, as long as you're not talking to yourself out loud when you are around other people..anyways..i am a thinker..i don't necessarily think things to resolution but more of just thinking about things in general..kind of like stressing over something..not meaning to..but none the less stressing..for instance..last night i dreamt about work all night because well thats what occupies me a lot during the days..i would dream that i am helping a customer but when i gave the customer their receipt i would wake up..this happened like 6 times..my sleep last night was horrible..during the days its crazee though because that's when i am thinking about the big stuff..like personal problems i have been having..trying to do the best i can at being a Christian, diong my best to help with neXus and Sundays..trying not to take on everything on my own or not over loading my schedule..it seems like i have not made very much time for myself latley which is alright but i havent been making much time for God which is not so good..things in my life are just going so fast that i am trying to go through all these things on my own and i am getting my but kicked..i dont know why i just can't think to lean on Him when i am weak..i wish i would becasue i know that if i do things will be okay..i am still having a hard time with praying at times but i am trying..i havent had a really good worship time in a while so i am really looking forward to youth tomorrow night..i really need it..kali is still in australia and i really miss her..i keep meaning to write her an eamil but i just get so busy and i keep putting it off..it seems like i have been putting off a lot latley..kali come back in march..cant wait..terrin ia coming back from CPC on sunday which is pretty cool.. i have missed her a lot too..we defiantly need to dedicate some long awaited gaming time..work is going really well, but someitmes it drives me nuts..i always have a smile on my faceand i understand that some people have bad days but why be mean to someone when they are being really nice to you..it just doesnt make sense..i love my HD's (head cashiers) they are so much fun..well there is one i dont really like but i am nice to her anyway..i am not going to like everyone i meet right..i really miss my aunties from alberta..i use to see them like 3 times a year but now i have not seen them for about 4 years..i sure hope they come in for Christmas it would be great to see them..
you know when i think about it i live a very different life from when i was a non-Christian..and it is the same life i see everyone who i use to hang around with living..you know you think you are happy but its just because you are hiding the big empty hole inside of you..you know its there but no one else has to know..i was depressed and angry at the world..i took it out on myself and got addicted to drugs and got myself clean again..i fought with my mom my whole life..i made fun of other people so people wouldnt make fun of me..i never listen to anyone..i always did what i wanted and never cared what anyone else had to say..i thought i knew it all and you know what i was pretty good at convincing others that i knew it all too..i was so good at the game i could even fool myself..all your life you ignore what everyone tells you..they said dont smoke so i smoked..they said dont do drugs so i did drugs..they said go to your room i said screw you! you think the world is out to get you..but then one day something happens to you and you begin to understand..you start hearing yourself telling other people what people told you your whole life..or atleast thats what happened to me..one day it was just like a giant switch got turned on and it all made sense..i tried everything to make it throgh life but i found the way..its harder than living a life full of sin..harder than having fun a doing what i want..but its a one way ticket to the Holy City..i have dedicated my life to Christ..and i am doing my best do right..it gets so hard sometimes becasue it is just so easy to just say whatever go fuck up everything i have worked so hard for..and for what..to give satisfaction to satan? i dont think so..i want to glorify my God not dissapoint Him..i want to live they way He wants me to..i want to do the things He needs me to do..because without Him i am nothing..i am not saying what people tell me i am saying what i have learned from living..how can people be so blind..how can they deny Him so easily when He was the one who created them? How can they empower satan by going along with his dirty scemes..how shameful they must look in the eyes of Our Lord..we Christian need to come together and spread the Word of our Father and help these poor lost souls find their way..find what they are ment to be doing..we need to help them find the light..we need to set the example for non-Christian..how are they going to know which way to go if we are showing them mixed signals..it is time we take a stand and make examples of our Father..
God bless the lost souls..i pray that God will send someone to help guide you in times of trial and need
God bless the servants of Christ..lets make our Father proud..spread the Gospel
for now this is what i have to say..until next time
-Mollie
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