completly different world

Hey hows it going..i made one of these before but i forgot to write done the info i used to sign in..duh!
Lately i have been thinking of making another one but then at times i think that it will be a waste because i will never use it..but more and more each day i need it..i need a way to get things off my mind because let me tell you if i don't get it off my mind then it ain't going no where.. sometimes i think that i am going to go crazy because of the things that i have to think about..things that i don't want to think about but they are just there. I thought making a blog would be a good idea because i like to talk and get my point out..sometimes i argue with people just to see what they have to say..to see if they can support what they believe or think. Feel free the challenge me or comment on anything you see written.

I made a decision to give myself to Christ in February of this year..it was the best thing that ever happened to me..you know they say that when you become a follower of Christ that life is going to get harder..they are right..you know life does get harder but it is the fact that we have someone who will help keep us strong when we are down..when we get weak and find it hard to keep our head up..well let me tell you..this past week i have been tested a lot..i quit smoking last Friday..i made a deal with my buddy Terrin that if she eats a banana (she
HATES bananas) then i will quit smoking..she ate a banana so i quit smoking..it is so hard just to not go and have a smoke..tomorrow i am going to be having thanksgiving dinner with my family and almost everyone smokes..it is going to be really hard especially because i am struggling with my relationship with God right now..i am questioning whether or not i am worth it..whether or not this is the right life for me..i have been having feeling like this for quite sometime but i have just been saying its just the devil..but then i think what if everything i believe in is nothing..what if its all wrong and i am going to be condemned to hell for all eternity..what if there is nothing out there..what if when we die we are just dead..nothing..i know that i shouldn't be doing the "what if" but sometimes i think too much and i get a lot of what ifs..it is really hard to be a Christian..for one you have to change everything about your past self if you are anything like i am..Thad's hard..i liked a lot of the things that i use to do..i liked having so many friends that i was never bored..i liked doing what i wanted to do but nothing comes from it..why cant there just be a happy medium..why cant things be dealt with in a different way..if you ask God to give you patience he will send you someone you need to be really patient with..if you ask for wisdom he is going to challene you and put you to the test..make you figure things out..why cant things just be a little easier sometimes..i am trying so hard to change from the way i use to be becasue it got me no where..but there are so many things that are telling me that i am just wasting my time and that i should just say forget it..i mean i even said that i didnt want to go to church tomorrow..church shouldnt be missed for anything..no excuses..everyday i rty to be a good christian..i try to do the christian thing but everyday it get harder..they say it get easier..well i dont see it getting any easier..someimtes i just get so frustrated i want to go and party and be like i use to be..but then i look at where i have come since then..i look at how much i have grown from when i was a punk..i look at what i could lose..i dont want to lose what i have now..i have people who love me..not only but they show and say that they love me..people who are here for me when i need a shoulder to cry on..people who i can rant and rave to and they dont take it personally..people who i can just be myself around..people who i love and thing i have never had before like a relationship between myself and our Creator..i have a hard time putting my trust in Him..i just dont want to get hurt no more..i know that its not Him who will hurt me..but the other and myself. its hard being riased in a completly different world.
-mollie