got something on the mind

Current Mood: stable and thinking like crazee

do you ever think so much you think you are actually crazy because no one should think this much becasue well if you think of it thinking is just talking to your self, as long as you're not talking to yourself out loud when you are around other people..anyways..i am a thinker..i don't necessarily think things to resolution but more of just thinking about things in general..kind of like stressing over something..not meaning to..but none the less stressing..for instance..last night i dreamt about work all night because well thats what occupies me a lot during the days..i would dream that i am helping a customer but when i gave the customer their receipt i would wake up..this happened like 6 times..my sleep last night was horrible..during the days its crazee though because that's when i am thinking about the big stuff..like personal problems i have been having..trying to do the best i can at being a Christian, diong my best to help with neXus and Sundays..trying not to take on everything on my own or not over loading my schedule..it seems like i have not made very much time for myself latley which is alright but i havent been making much time for God which is not so good..things in my life are just going so fast that i am trying to go through all these things on my own and i am getting my but kicked..i dont know why i just can't think to lean on Him when i am weak..i wish i would becasue i know that if i do things will be okay..i am still having a hard time with praying at times but i am trying..i havent had a really good worship time in a while so i am really looking forward to youth tomorrow night..i really need it..kali is still in australia and i really miss her..i keep meaning to write her an eamil but i just get so busy and i keep putting it off..it seems like i have been putting off a lot latley..kali come back in march..cant wait..terrin ia coming back from CPC on sunday which is pretty cool.. i have missed her a lot too..we defiantly need to dedicate some long awaited gaming time..work is going really well, but someitmes it drives me nuts..i always have a smile on my faceand i understand that some people have bad days but why be mean to someone when they are being really nice to you..it just doesnt make sense..i love my HD's (head cashiers) they are so much fun..well there is one i dont really like but i am nice to her anyway..i am not going to like everyone i meet right..i really miss my aunties from alberta..i use to see them like 3 times a year but now i have not seen them for about 4 years..i sure hope they come in for Christmas it would be great to see them..

you know when i think about it i live a very different life from when i was a non-Christian..and it is the same life i see everyone who i use to hang around with living..you know you think you are happy but its just because you are hiding the big empty hole inside of you..you know its there but no one else has to know..i was depressed and angry at the world..i took it out on myself and got addicted to drugs and got myself clean again..i fought with my mom my whole life..i made fun of other people so people wouldnt make fun of me..i never listen to anyone..i always did what i wanted and never cared what anyone else had to say..i thought i knew it all and you know what i was pretty good at convincing others that i knew it all too..i was so good at the game i could even fool myself..all your life you ignore what everyone tells you..they said dont smoke so i smoked..they said dont do drugs so i did drugs..they said go to your room i said screw you! you think the world is out to get you..but then one day something happens to you and you begin to understand..you start hearing yourself telling other people what people told you your whole life..or atleast thats what happened to me..one day it was just like a giant switch got turned on and it all made sense..i tried everything to make it throgh life but i found the way..its harder than living a life full of sin..harder than having fun a doing what i want..but its a one way ticket to the Holy City..i have dedicated my life to Christ..and i am doing my best do right..it gets so hard sometimes becasue it is just so easy to just say whatever go fuck up everything i have worked so hard for..and for what..to give satisfaction to satan? i dont think so..i want to glorify my God not dissapoint Him..i want to live they way He wants me to..i want to do the things He needs me to do..because without Him i am nothing..i am not saying what people tell me i am saying what i have learned from living..how can people be so blind..how can they deny Him so easily when He was the one who created them? How can they empower satan by going along with his dirty scemes..how shameful they must look in the eyes of Our Lord..we Christian need to come together and spread the Word of our Father and help these poor lost souls find their way..find what they are ment to be doing..we need to help them find the light..we need to set the example for non-Christian..how are they going to know which way to go if we are showing them mixed signals..it is time we take a stand and make examples of our Father..

God bless the lost souls..i pray that God will send someone to help guide you in times of trial and need

God bless the servants of Christ..lets make our Father proud..spread the Gospel

for now this is what i have to say..until next time

-Mollie