i feel like i am falling..my relationship with Christ is thinning out..weakening..Hes not but i am..i don't know why..its like i am just waiting for something to happen..things have changed so much in the past month its kinda scary!..things are also moving so fast that i feel like i cant even catch my breath..figuratively speaking of course..i am finding the the people who are surrounding me are the ones i have been trying to get my self away from..i don't mean people but i mean the type of people..i find myself hanging out at parties and devoting my life towards the wrong things..the wrong people..i am beginning to doubt my ability to walk through the gates of heaven if i die today..i am failing Him right before His eyes..and it is so shameful..someone said to me that if i am acting the way i am then they don't see me as a Christian..you know what the fucked up thing is..I'm starting to not see me as a Christian either..i feel like i am falling just dropping off into nothing..like falling through the sky but when i envision it everything is dark..empty..cold..and no matter how hard i try there is nothing to grab hold of..nothing or no one to grab when before i hit the bottom of the pit..kinda like i lost my grip on life
..mo
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2 comments:
"when you push on glass it's bound to break"
hey mollie.
i know what it feels like when the pressure starts to mount. the walls are closing in, and the easy escape isn't even coming quick enough.
it seems the more you try to hold onto your faith, the more it is slipping away. every word of encouragement seems to make you slip a little further, and further, and it seems you're so far gone that it doesn't really matter what you do anymore.
but let me ask you one thing:
What were you BORN to be?
psalm 139 tells us that God created us and knew every intricate detail of our lives before we were even conceived.
jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has a plan for our lives.
you, mollie, whether you believe it or not- were born to lead. you have skills, you have heart, you have courage.
you were not born to struggle, but it's just a part of your life right now. embrace the fact that your redeemer lives, and that he'll get you through this. and remember, giving up is never an option!
i'm praying for you!
Terrin
i wish you were here terrin..i want to give up so badly but i dont want to even more..i am so scared of failing..i am trying ter and it hard having people depending on me to keep them strong when i am weak myself..today i lernt that i am too proud..proud okay..but not like i am..you know what i miss even more than you being here..our talks..
-mo
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