deepest fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Quote by: ~ Marianna Williamson

my deepest fear is getting into a car accident, , i cringe when i think about it and sometimes have a hard time talking about it, such a stupid thing to be afraid of, im even more afraid of it then spiders and i hate spiders, but i have never been in a car accident, and all you hear is terrible things about car accidents and i cant ever imagine being trapped in a car while..kay never mind i have to stop talking about it now...my other fear is failure..i am so afraid to fail that i don't even try, which is bad because i cant keep avoiding things in my life because i am afraid to fail, what if i don't then great, but what if i do, i know the answer to that is try again, but im scared to take the leap of faith sometimes.

mollie

Standing Still.

Right now I am loungin in time. Nothings really happening. What does happen just is. It wont affect nothing. No change for the better or worse is going to happen. Well, thats how i feel about things right now anyway. There are thing that I dont understand and I have questioned but I still dont know what to do. I have prayed about it and sought prayer. I've spoken to people and listened and learnt yet still i cant do it.. still God has not answered me. So..i come to the conclusion as this. Right now I need just to be patient and continue on with the decisions that I have already made, and the ones of which I cant.. in due time God with decide my path..or i should say he will reveal it to me, and for the time i wait..I will just be. I will just Stand Still.

mollie

opinions anyone..

Hey peoples..hows it..I'm alright..don't got much to say..well nothing to say actually..just want to share something i just read...


Faith and Freedom

Grace...incites us into life--a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.
Romans 5:21, The Message

We are not free from failure. We find that the good intentions of our parents have not always worked out for the good...We find that our teachers were not always honest and that our minds therefor have distorted and inadequate ideas...We find that we want to be good, to be whole, and that we are not...We realize we are not free for what we want most of all--to be complete.
We are free to do many things. We are free from many restrictions. But what about the center? What about God? There we live in faith and failure, by faith and forgiveness, by faith and mercy, by faith and freedom.


So that's what i read today..well actually it was suppose to be for tomorrow but the title caught my eye so i read it..I'm not quite sure what it means but i have a bit of an idea..let me know what you think..I'd appreciate it.

Always, mollie-ann

a great start to a good day..

Yesterday was Sunday February the 18th 2007. Yesterday was also the day we set up for the aids benefit for orphans in Zambia. Along with that was vision night where we worship and take communion. Well how about i just tell you about my day from start to finish, well here we go...

Me, Jonny and Ashley slept over at Deanne's. So i got up at 9:15 am, we had to leave there by 10:00 am that was the goal so we would have enough time to go and get Heather, get something for Jonny to eat, and stop at my house so i can let the dog out and change, then be at the church bye 11:05am. So we left the house by 10:15 which wasn't so bad because Jonny is good on time when he needs to get somewhere. I think we got to the church at like 11:04 or something so it worked out. The service was good, i love my Pastor. God does good things with that man. The worship was great, so was the service..great start to a good day. After the service we had lunch together as a family, there were about 50 of us. After we ate is when the set up began, we had people finishing the ten, people setting up stuff on the wall, people directing, people supervising, people helping other, people watching the kids, some people just ate, people making vines, people making leaves, people helping, it was all really amazing. One big family, everyone was getting along and everyone was just together.

Me and Heather were running around the place at one point trying to hide from each other, but i kept finding her..it was quite fun..hey nuk..I WIN!!

After the set up was all done and everything was clean and put back into its place we had vision night. It all just went together so good..So we did some worship PA spoke a little, then we watched a movie on Mother Teresa..WOW i do not even know how to respond to the thing that this one woman did. Its just amazing, I definitely recommend that people watch this movie. If we had more people on earth like her, man this world would be such a better place. A woman after Jesus' own heart. I even cried. So many thing she could have used as an excuse to just give up and stop trying but she never did she had Faith in God. Did what she knew was right, what she knew God was telling her to do. She listened to God and obeyed. She was a good and faithful servant.

What did i get out of it. I want to be like her. I am in some ways but not even close. I have confidence to do the things i never thought i could do. I know that if one lady, one girl who listened could do so much than what can i do. What can i do for the world i live in. How can i please God and make him proud of me? How can i make a difference. How can it be done?
I know i can do anything with the power of God and if God not interested in it it wont happen, but if he is it will. That's one thing i learnt form the movie last night.

From this day forward i am going to do my best to do everything i n my power to do right, and when i cant do it i will do everything in his power because i know with God all things are possible. I have people who love me and are willing to help me, people who want to see me succeed and do well in life i need to just listen and DO IT.

Saturday i mucked up again and didn't make some people proud, well to those who know what i am talking about i am so done, finished, i know i have said it before, and you don't have to believe me but seriously i am so finished its not even funny. i know i can do it now, i know what i am going to say if the opportunity arises, i know what i have to do and i know that i have to do it if i want to be anything like Mother Teresa was. I am not saying that i am going to be just like her but i just want to fulfill God will for me. I am going to start listening to him rather than trying to figure it out in my head on my own because it doesn't really get more no where, sometimes yea i get places but i just slide back into my little rut. I don't want to stand in the muck and more i want to be back on solid ground, and what better day to start than yesterday, right. Great start!

I have a feeling things are not going to get easy for me any time soon because Satan is trying so hard to win me and i know he is not going to give up anytime soon. I am ready for it though, i know it is not going to be easy, but do i really want it to be. What the point if its too easy, wheres the challenge, without the challenge there is no lesson and i want the lesson because i want to learn and grow and love and just be. But for His will not mine. I want to hear the words, well done my good and faithful servant when i stand at the gates of Heaven.

Well i need to go for a shower and get ready for my first challenge..going back to work..ill let you know how it went, until then

God bless

always your friend, mollie-ann

I could kick myself..rolled up newspaper will do just fine

Holy man did i muck up big this time..seriously..I'm not going to talk about it and explain what happened because well really the people who need to know already know. I disappointed some people and hurt some people..i angered and upset some too.

I let things just build, and build and i didn't do nothing about it. I got scared and i froze. People tole me what i needed to do but i kept letting my pride come first. It only made things worse. The last few day i have not been able to sleep right or think right. Everything bothered me, and i noticed it had a toll on a good friend of mine and that bothered me more than all of it. I honestly didn't know what i was going to do..i needed to find a new job and i was worrying about rent and what people were thinking of me..i kept feeling like God wouldn't talk to me, but what more could he say to me really, nothing i already new, and nothing he could tell me unless i found out for myself..nothing felt right..things were uneasy and out of place and it just was not right..i needed to fix it but i got scared and didn't listen to the people i should have been listening to..in the end they were 100% right..so finally this morning i listened and put my pride aside and did what i had to do..and what happened..nothing..i still have my job so i can pay rent, immediately it felt like there was this huge burden just lightly lifted off my shoulders, i could have cried, i was so happy things were going to be okay..i mean i had faith in God that things would be okay i just didn't know how..man let me tell you this is one mistake i am never going to make again..I'm still going to get a spankin for this one next time they see me..<hmm not if i hide> no way ill take my dues this time..

so now that this is out and those of you who don't know what happened are clueless now here what i learned..........


I learned that i need to take action on the things i have done, don't let them just sit there and build until the point where you are stressed to the max, can't sleep, cant not think. Do something about it asap because if you do things will not be so bad. Don't let pride get in the way..ever! Don't think that people wont understand because you will be surprised. When people tell you to do something listen to them. Not all people but the ones you know you should be listening to..the ones who love you and care about you enough that when something happens to you it effects them too. DON'T EVER LIE.. It gets you absolutely no where, you feel guilty and sad and mad at yourself because you know it hurt the other person. Have faith in God in everything you do, just because you can't hear Him does not meant He is not there, he is just waiting for you to correct your mistake so you can go on again, and so He can continue to do the things He has set out for you. Never try to be the hero, its good to help but make sure you are not helping them too much to the point that you don't even notice you are the one who is in need. Pray more, read your bible more and do it with friends too. If you don't understand something learn it, work through it. If you are scared, don't be.. just have faith and DO what you are suppose to do. If there are problems don't run from them, face them. When all else fails,try again and try harder!

These past few days i have not even been able to blog my thought were so all over the place. I tried but nothing worth publishing you know what i mean. Well i don't know what else to write right now, all i know is that i am so grateful and thankful that i have people in my life who love me and don't give up on me. I have friends who care about me and give a crap weather or not I'm down and out. I need to learn how to push my pride aside when it is getting in the way. And even when I think I'm right i need to listen to my mentors because they are telling me things for a reason, and its to help me not take me out. Lady..thanks i love you and am so grateful that you and you family is in my life..I'm so blessed.

just trying to be a good and faithful servant

always, mollie-ann

hey guys..dont worry im going to post a blog soon..its just not the right time yet..


NEW BLOG COMING SOON!!!

-Mo

set me free by casting crowns

It hasn't always been this way

I remember brighter days

Before the dark ones came

Stole my mind

Wrapped my soul in chains



Now I live among the dead

Fighting voices in my head

Hoping someone hears me crying in the night

And carries me away



Set me free of the chains holding me

Is anybody out there hearing me?

Set me free



Morning breaks another day

Finds me crying in the rain

All alone with my demons I am

Who is this man that comes my way?

The dark ones shriek

They scream His name

Is this the One they say will set the captives free?

Jesus, rescue me



As the God man passes by

He looks straight through my eyes

And darkness cannot hide



Do you want to be free?

Lift your chains

I hold the key

All power on Heav'n and Earth belong to me



You are free

You are free

You are free



hey guys..this is set me free by casting crowns..
currently one of my favorite songs
i am definatly a music loverso i usually
tend to find things in common with my life
through the lyrics of a song..this one is
currently me..if you would like to check
the song out without downloading it you
can just click on the   "myspace" link on
the right of the screen and it will take
you to my personal myspace..the song will just play

well goodbye for now, always mollie-ann

place title here..what if you dont have one? just do it

Current mood: discouraged


So this morning i finally got my butt out of bed for prayer..5:30am comes early when you don't go to bed till almost 2am..i decided the night before that i was going to walk. i could have gotten a ride to prayer from either Shawna or Dennis but i thought, no i wont bother them. I actually enjoyed walking to prayer..the sky was clear and i could see the stars..yes it was cold but when you dress for the weather its not so bad. I had a good time in prayer this morning. i have noticed that when i try and pray at home i have too many things that are distracting me from focusing on prayer. when i go to prayers in the mornings i can actually focus because well that the whole point of going. I pray allot for my friends who are going through some tough times. I pray for my youth and the leaders. My family, our church. I find myself praying for things that seem so impossible at the time, but i still have faith. I praise and worship my creator and savior, it's just a really great way to start off the day.

These past few weeks Satan has really been attacking me in any way he can. Through friend, through challenges, through acquaintances, even family. Its like..ever step i take closer to God is another shot he takes at me. Some wonder whats the point if all i get is trouble from it. The point is..on Judgment day everyone will have to be accountable for the actions they took and the choices they..the point is when the time has come i will walk through the gate into the Holy city that is waiting for us.

Lately i feel like i am so distant from everyone. Like i can see things they can't. I feel convicted because of it too at time because i don't want to be different from the ones i love but that's just the way it has to be. No one really understand what i go though in my head. Maybe one or two but that's it other than God himself. I do a pretty good job and not letting people know things are bothering me. I do however let the right people know just in case it becomes serious and i need someones help. Some days i feel like no one even knows who i am anymore, maybe that because no one really does. Yea i talk a lot about God but i don't talk about him even more just for the fact that i don't want to "preach" but what do you do when that's whats in your heart?

Things are going to change again in the next few weeks, I'm scared. I feel like i am going to lose some really important friendships. I am kinda feeling like I'm a replacement right now. Just kinda hanging out until something/someone better comes around. All my life i just wanted to fit in. Always went through phases of this and that. Becoming a Christian gave be belonging, I fit in where i am. i was thinking. I work at home depot..man that so my part time thing..Christianity is my life. Serving God is my life. This is what i am here for weather people like to admit it or not. Weather i like to admit it or not. (which i do admit)

I wonder how things are going to be when Kali comes home..i miss her a lot, and i can't wait to hear about her experiences half way around the world. That girl inspires me so much, even though she doesn't realize it, she does.

Well i didn't end up telling you about my completely crummy day at work, maybe its a good thing. its not good to dwell in thing which you can not change, or have no power in controlling. Even though i was doing a good thing. I mean i was just putting the customer first..that is our policy..okay, okay enough its just going to get me all twitchy and pissed off all over again.

it's 11:30 now i have to be up in 6 hours..i should try and get some sleep

God bless all who read these words. I pray that you glorify God in body, and in Spirit which belong to Him.

Always, mollie-ann

i jacked this survey from Sarah..hehehe thanks sarah

Name:	mollie-ann
Birthday:	june25...*same as sarah:D*
Birthplace:	winnipeg
Current Location:	winnipeg
Eye Color:	brown
Hair Color:	brown
Height:	5'4
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	Icelantic, Ukranian, Cree
The Shoes You Wore Today:	white n olive adidas
Your Weakness:	pride
Your Fears:	spiders
Your Perfect Pizza:	pepperoni and bacon
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	quit smoking pot
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	lol..LOL its so true
Thoughts First Waking Up:	man i gotta pee
Your Best Physical Feature:	not sure..
Your Bedtime:	one i realise im falling asleep at my computer
Your Most Missed Memory:	My babi *grandma in ukranian*
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	gotta be the king..but i eat at mcdicks more
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	coffee
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Swear:	not as much as i use to
Do you Sing:	yes..doesn't necessarily mean im good at it
Do you Shower Daily:	yes
Have you Been in Love:	no
Do you want to go to College:	yes
Do you want to get Married:	yes
Do you belive in yourself:	yes but not all the time
Do you get Motion Sickness:	no
Do you think you are Attractive:	no
Are you a Health Freak:	no
Do you get along with your Parents:	now that i dont live at home yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:	the thunder scares me
Do you play an Instrument:	no, but i used to play tormbone
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	yes
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no but i am way over due to
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	haha..nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	yes
Ever been called a Tease:	no
Ever been Beaten up:	by my brother
Ever Shoplifted:	yes
How do you want to Die:	same way my babi did in her sleep with her loved ones all around
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	so not sure yet..man i better get on it
What country would you most like to Visit:	Ukraine
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	hazel
Favourite Hair Color:	brown
Short or Long Hair:	longer..not LONG..but longer
Height:	taller than me
Weight:	doesnt really matter
Best Clothing Style:	a Roots man..lol
Number of Drugs I have taken:	me personally..i thought his was about them..well either way the number is 7
Number of CDs I own:	dont know
Number of Piercings:	well i use to have 10 but now i have 1
Number of Tattoos:	none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	none becasue i would be where i am today

stand alone..but dont be afraid to stand up

First of all Camp Arnes was so amazing..great things happened..like for example..i led a girl in prayer to accept Jesus into he heart. It was so awesome, this girl..lets just say she kinda reminds me of me in some ways..like how she grew up and her current situation.

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You know I really don't think people get me. I mean they know the old me and everything but its just they think i am still the same person i have always been. Man they are so wrong. I am almost a completely different person. Maybe not in looks. But i am kinder, more loving, more mature, more aware than ever before. What makes the major difference is the way i think. I dont think like most 19 year old girls who 1 year dry day is coming around. I am a 19 year old too soon to be 20 Christian girl who loves God more than anything. I have such a passion to be like Jesus. That all i want is to be like him. Now days Religion is not okay to be..outspoken or verbalized without violating some guys feelings because he he has issues he cant deal with so he takes it out on God hmm does that even make sense..lol its all really funny to me you know. Someone said that a certain place was corrupt. Man i think the world needs to look the fuck around once in a while and actually take in whats going on. I am not saying that people have to go out of their way to try and do something because that would be crossing the line apparently. But if anything we need to be aware. things are NOT perfect. People are not perfect. I am not perfect. You want perfect, talk to Jesus about it because He is the only man to ever walk the earth not a sinner. And yet people still turn away from it and act like its not a big deal. Just wait when judgment day comes and you cant come into the Holy city prepared for us by the King himself don't say no one warned you. Because if you wanted you could do something about it. I just cant understand why some people don't get it.
I mean i get it and i see things happening and i am just like everyone else. Difference is i try and i care. I want to be like Christ so i am doing my best to.

Sometimes people make fun of me. Sometimes people argue with me and make me feel really insecure about myself. Some people mock me and annoy me. Sometimes people make me laugh and satisfy me with a good conversation. Sometimes people make me cry or yell and even punch things. Sometimes people hurt me or try to be better than me. Sometimes people ignore me, and are rude to me. Sometimes people boss me around. Sometimes people expect to much of me. Sometimes people are not grateful for what i do for them. Some people are inspired by me. Some people love, some like, some even hate me. Most people don't understand me or my intentions. Sometimes i do some of the same things. But i am always kind a polite when it is needed. I try to help people around me and not expect anything in return. I love my friends and my family, i love my youth. I love myself . But most of all i love my savior Jesus Christ and my Father God. I live my life the best way i know how to. I get direction from God and from my mentors. n to advice people give me and sometimes try to apply it. I am always there for my friends no matter what. I will go out of my way anytime just because that the way i am. Some people take advantage of it. Some people don't. I am just getting sick and tired of trying to understand why people cant see the thing that happen because God wanted them to. He knows what he is doing and He knows his will. He knows whats going to happen from it too. See when you go through a tough time in your life it to teach you a lesson. Most people think they just have bad luck and they are being shit on by the world. When really there is a lesson in the making you are just to stubborn and self centered to think that maybe someone is not try to get you but trying to help you. You meaning people in generally, someone being Gods army. I seriously don't know if what i am say here makes sense but it does in my head so I'm writing it. All i know is that i am here to serve my Lord. So thats what I am doing.

I don't want anyone to take anything here taken personal because it was not meant to be. I just needed to vent, not to anybody because they probably wouldn't understand, but maybe this way you can get the full view.


just trying to be a good and faithful servent

mollie-ann